Monday, December 7, 2015

Being myself

Now that we live 15-20 minutes out of the center of the city we used to live in, I do a fair share of driving back and forth.  Most times I have kids in the truck w/me, but sometimes I don't.  Over the past couple of years I have learned a lot more about ADD and I have pretty much decided I am a candidate.  I am 'flaky' and distracted mind wanders quickly.  Now that I'm getting older, if you tell me something and you don't see me write it down, I guarantee you I will forget it.  Left on my own, I swear I would not survive - I don't cook, I'd forget to take my meds, I'd get's sort of a joke but there's some truth to it too!  I can take care of others just fine, it's myself I manage to confuse at times...anyway - I'm getting off track here, see what I mean?  In the past, there have been some significant and obvious differences between me and my family members and some of the other people around me.  I used to get so mad at myself a lot - WHY WHY WHY am I not like them??  They are awesome and color coordinated and organized and so 'put together'!!  I would try to force myself to be like that and it would last a few hours.  Seriously.  I'd make myself focus and try to really listen when people talked and keep my mind on the task at hand.  And then one day I just realized that God did not make me that way and THAT IS OK.  If you need someone to shout out 47 ideas of a theme for your kids' birthday party - I'm your girl.  If you need a choreographed routine for some random song you love - call me.  If you want to collaborate on a love story between a star quarterback and some nerdy girl who keeps track of random stats and is able to both fall down and up the steps - yep, I can spin that yarn too.  I feel like I have many talents, maybe not the ones that are wanted 'in real life', but having many of them is good right?  I always picture myself as this rock star mom who can run errands, shuttle kids to all their activities, do the housework (ok maybe not that so much) and maintain friendships w/ease.  "Hey everyone, look at me over here spinning multiple plates in the air!"  Reality check - things are missing b/c I haven't had time to run those errands, I've taken way too many trips back and forth not maximizing my time, housework is half done, I miss my friends and now there are broken plates all over the floor!!


It's the Christmas season and in true Mel fashion, shortcuts have been taken.  Many, almost all, presents were ordered online.  Every one of them has already arrived.  I am ready.  Rock star!  Kids like pancakes for dinner.  ME TOO!!!  We saw a fox on the bridge by our house today.  A FOX!!!  I don't care how many trips I take back and forth - if I see a fox, a deer, a turkey or even a farm cat or a dairy cow, I love seeing God's creation along the way.  And another thing - if I ever need a roller skating routine to the song "Nothing But A Good Time" by Poison, I won't need to do a thing b/c I already have one!

You know, I secretly hope that everyone else around me is feeling the same way - trying to be something they are not - just so that I feel normal.  But then, I don't wish this on anyone.  Don't torture yourself trying to be something you are not.  Find out who/what you are.  Then just be that.  If you don't know how to find that out, talk to people around you.  Read Personality Plus.  Learn about the Myers Briggs test.  Find your weaknesses, don't apologize for them but decide what your game plan is to keep them from being exploited.  If you are different, be different.  You can share DNA w/people and not be exact matches of them.  This has been a hard lesson for me, and maybe you already have this secure in your heart, but thank you Lord for reminding me of it again!  I think one of the best things I have done was to make a 'mission map' for myself.  The shortest way to explain that is to say that I sifted down all the roles I play in life, all the things I want to do and the whys behind them and then took a realistic look at how they all fit together.  I wrote stuff down.  =)  I won't say I have arrived on this journey but I think I'm getting there!!!  I encourage everyone to press on and continue their own journey - if I can help in any way - email me!  I'll be over here trying to be myself, looking out the window, day dreaming about seeing a moose in our woods or something...

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