Merry Christmas 2019 - emoji style!

(Once again, we are not sending Christmas cards out in the traditional way - see the end of this post for more on that...We hope you enjoy this online version! If you regularly read my blog or see my Facebook posts, some of these stories will sound familiar...buckle up - it's a long one!)
When I thought of writing this year's Christmas post, I really wanted to do something out of the box and special.  I kept trying to think of something polished and fancy to present the big emotions I experienced this year.  I finally quit lying to myself and decided that emotions are not scary and hey, you probably have them too, so why not just use emojis for our Christmas letter?!  They can be annoying, I know, but hopefully you'll smile at the ones I've used and it will connect w/you in a different way.  I didn't want to write 'that was bittersweet' after everything, even though it's pretty much true.  When you miss someone who has passed, grief is like the shadow that is there for a while.  "Weren't you happy, wasn't that fun?"  Yes, we were, yes it was, but remember that something can be both happy and sad at the same time.  🎭  You've seen the masks, right?  Now that I've set the stage😉, please enjoy our year in review.
🌳📸 2019 got off to a rough start, as I mentioned in the (late) 2018 Christmas post.  My Dad passed away in February...the silver lining in things like funerals is that you get to be with a lot of family and friends to celebrate someone who meant a lot to you.  I selected the tree emoji to represent my roots/family tree/heritage, but also for the branches that remind me how so many others support us and lift us up, especially as we continue to grieve.   Another one of the silver linings for me was going through photos from my childhood - y'all know how I love photos!!  (Again, see last year's Christmas post part 1...)
🤼‍♂️Spring of 2019 saw us busy w/various activities.  Moses and Franklin had lots of gymnastics meets, Colleen participated in Destination Imagination, all 3 boys were involved in wrestling and Moses did Forensics again!  Ask me how many pounds of snacks I packed, how many bleachers we sat on, how many photos I took....it's a big number!!  I'm a happy and proud momma when I see my kids having fun, cheering their teammates on and trying new things.
🏰 Speaking of spring...this was a special year so we splurged on a special spring break vacation!  TO A CASTLE!!!  No one cried or had a bad day b/c it is THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH!!  It was a lot of fun and we have my aunt and uncle to thank for helping us pull it off.  I still can't believe we did it...it always seemed like a really big ask, financially and emotionally for our crew.  I'm so glad we did it - it reminded me of when my parents took us kids.  We rode my Dad's favorite ride and I sang "Yo Ho Yo Ho, a Pirate's life for me!" at the top of my lungs, just for him.

 And then...
-------SOMETHING BIG HAPPENED HERE-----
            ------BUT I AM SAVING IT FOR LAST------so...movin' right along...
🌱In May, some friends of my parents organized a tree planting at a park they enjoyed in honor of my Dad.  All the grandkids were so excited to help, pulling burlap off the root balls of these trees and scooping dirt in the hole!  I haven't been back yet, but I can't wait to camp in that park and visit Dad's trees!

⚾🤸🏿‍♂️ Late spring brought baseball and more gymnastics into our lives.  Three boys in baseball plus an unusually rainy season meant a lot of makeup games jammed in between the regularly scheduled ones...which led to me purchasing a new lawn chair!  If I have to sit in it, my fanny should fit in it!  🤪  We really enjoyed getting to know a lot of families through baseball and Moses' team was quite successful, playing in the post season.
🎡♎ (closest thing to an arch I could find!)  Over Memorial Day weekend we took a road trip to St. Louis.  We had 2 specific things in mind - the arch and The City Museum.  There really needs to be more emojis for The City Museum!  If you have been, you know what I mean.  If you have not, GET YOURSELF TO ST. LOUIS and check it out!!  Start by visiting their website and then go.  Seriously.  We have been there multiple times and every time I struggle w/the cost but I always see the fun my family has and I never regret it.  This time I was confident enough that Moses remembered the tunnels and such that I just let him go.  He was able to show the other kids a lot of cool things!  I am not much for the climbing these days but Dave's sense of adventure means he might get stuck in a tube while I take photos for posterity!

🏅🏕️ In June, Franklin and Moses participated in the YMCA gymnastics Nationals!!  They were held in Wisconsin Dells this year, making it cost effective for us to attend.  We picked a camping spot and played tourist in the off times.  We took a Dells boat ride, watched the teams march in before the Tommy Bartlett Show, made s'mores and rested up for the tournament.  It was a neat experience to see teams from all over the country enjoying the Dells and all it has to offer.  Then in July Colleen attended her first sleep away camp...It's called Camp Daniel and it's a very special camp for people with disabilities.  Her friend from school invited her.  She actually wrote me a letter to invite Colleen, which made me happy cry for all sorts of reasons!  It was a blessing to know that her friend would be there the same week.  After the week was over, Colleen commented on how their were other kids who had some of the same struggles as her participating in the camp.  I think it made her feel more confident!  You can imagine all the emotions I had tumbling about w/one of my children out of my reach for a week, but then seeing how this camp made her feel emotionally sort of made me put mine in check.  It was worth it, though, and that's what matters.
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦⛰️🥾🏇🏾🚞 We kicked off August with a huge family reunion weekend - how many cousins and 2nd cousins can fit in a hammock? 

There were games, good foods, photos shared by one of my aunties and hugs and tears and so much laughter!!  By the end of the weekend, I was exhausted!  Since there's no tired like on the road tired, we followed the weekend up w/a trip to Colorado!  Once again we stayed at the YMCA of the Rockies.  We did lots of activities there like horseback riding, playing sports, fishing and hiking.  (The rain did not stop us!  Everyone made fun of me since I bought dollar store ponchos to wear while on Disney's water rides.  I was the only one who wore one on those rides.  On this trip everyone suddenly wanted my ponchos!!  Lucky for them, Mom doesn't unpack little things like ponchos!🤣)  We also hiked up Mt Evans and rode the Royal Gorge breakfast train through the mountains - I got the tastiest quinoa pancakes!

🚼🍼🏈As the summer came to a close, the talk of the house was about 2 things - me babysitting a friend's baby part time during the school year and flag football.  I get the pleasure of baby Mercedes' company (not her real name!) three days a week.  Do you know how cool babies are?  I could talk your ear off about that, you already know....the best part of this deal is seeing this family develop and cheering them on.  Knowing Mercedes' parents means we see how they are invested in her and what character traits they are modeling.  It's different than foster care for a lot of reasons, obviously, but the same in that you can never go wrong in encouraging a family!
🛠️🚽🤝 Fall - a perfect time to remodel the bathroom we never really intended to remodel...🤷🏻 We discovered the main sink we use in the bathroom had a leak, which led to a wet cabinet underneath.  Not just wet, soaked, moldy and disintegrating!!!  It was bad.  It needed immediate attention.  Dave is handy but he felt it was a bit above his paygrade and he didn't have time to dedicate to the project to get it done quickly enough.  Lucky for us, a friend from church was available!  He put in new counter, new pipes, new cabinets...and then Dave decided we needed a new toilet.  It seemed like a coincidence that some friends were trying to sell theirs on FB marketplace!  So we bought that and our friend from church installed that too.  We feel like grownups now, having our first major interior house project done.  We also bought a new piece of furniture to store our board/card game collection and dipped our toes into some interior decorating.  Starting to look a little better around here!  Some day - we'll tackle that kitchen!!
🦡🏈 You guys!!!  They have a Badger emoji!  He's so cute!  This was the first year we took all of the kids to a major sporting event.  Dave and I had our first date to a Badger game almost exactly 20 years earlier, the opponent was the same and history was made both nights.  (1999 - when the Jump Around tradition started and 2019 - longest field goal.)  We were excited to share the experience w/Dave's mom, who is an alumni!  Many times we have taken the kids to see the band as they pump everyone up before a game and then we would leave campus.  The kids were always sad that everyone else got to go in to the stadium and we only saw the band.  Not this time!  We made a pit stop to add more layers and were in our seats before kickoff.  😊  We had fun jumping around, seeing Moses on the jumbotron (his teachers even saw him from somewhere in the stadium!), and shaking hands w/players afterward.  I call this a huge win for our family - the kids are maturing, finding ways to regulate themselves in these situations and communicating w/us so much better.  (When you're wearing a million layers and there's a line to go pee, you need to give the grown ups a little lead time on bathroom breaks, you know what I mean?)  This was another event that left my heart feeling a mess of emotions - happy memories of life before kids, happy new memories made, a few tears for not being able to tell my Dad about the great day, a little anxiety over how it would turn out, etc.  It was definitely another one of those times I just hung on for the ride!
🏀🧠As we close out 2019, the kids have begun 2 new activities.  Moses joined the 8th grade basketball team.  The other night he made his first shot ever!  So fun to see the kids try new things.  Colleen, Franklin and Ezra are all in Destination Imagination this year.  It is Colleen's second year and the boys' first.  DI is really neat in that it's like teams competing, using their brains on instant challenges and are judged on skits they present, showing how they solve a specific problem.  I'm learning a lot as a helper for Franklin's team.  I can't wait to see what all the kids' teams are cooking up for the tournament in spring!

Now, I cannot finish this letter w/o mentioning possibly the most emotional event of the year...
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(Don't ya just hate cliffhangers?)
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♾️📜💕🎉🥂🎂🥳🎊 I had to resist putting ALLLLLLLL the emojis for this one!!  There was another HUGE event in spring...OUR ADOPTION BECAME FINAL!!!  We are now FOREVER family (to infinity and beyond!), with papers to prove it...We were so blessed to share the day w/family and party w/family and friends the day after.  Our hearts were so full and I felt like my face was going to crack from smiling so big!!  From now on, Bert and Ernie shall be known as their true names, Franklin and Ezra!

Ezra in white and Franklin in blue

These dapper dudes bring us such joy...they have waited so long to be part of a forever family.  There were many stutter steps along the way.  People promised them things and did not deliver.  Their trust was broken more than once.  People left their lives at an alarming rate.  It was not ok.  They were not ok.  They are still recovering from all of that junk and then some.  Make no mistake, finalizing adoption does not mean they suddenly live the happiest of lives.  Every day we all work together as a family to build bonds that LORD WILLING will some day be viewed as unbreakable, unchanging, and unshakeable.  But to be able to go into a court house and have someone validate what we are working towards is priceless.  A gavel banged and no one can tell us we do not belong together.  We are family!

❤️❤️From our family to yours, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!❤️❤️

❤️Here's to building strong relationships, friendships, and families in 2020!!❤️

We hope you enjoyed this green version of our Christmas card! (If you still wish to receive a paper copy, leave a comment.) There are lots of reasons we decided to do things differently this year (again!)...here's a few:

1) Save postage. We love you, but we're cheap!

2) Save paper. You just recycle those cards after you read them...you do recycle them eventually, don't you??

3) Save printing costs. See reason #1!

4) Save stress. Nothing to print, sign, stuff, address...

5) Expand our options! Now you can see a practically limitless amount of photos.

6) Our greeting to you is saved in cyber-space for posterity! 

7) It went so well the past years...we heard a lot of positive responses, and even some people who said they'd try it themselves. Welcome to the dark (green) side! (Sorry that was a goofy Star Wars joke...)

Coming soon....to a blog near you....

In general, my life is discombobulated.  I'm kind of flaky and all over the map.  Right now, I am really frustrated w/myself b/c before Christmas I started a post/Christmas card on the blog...I knew I wasn't going to finish it on time and I was giving myself grace for various reasons, the first of which is that I'm flaky and all over the map!  I got almost all the way done w/it and then I just wasn't feeling it.  If it was paper I would have crumpled it and chucked it!  I am still deciding if I should post it or not.  I am, however, going to write up something else and get that up soon.  Ish.  That's not what I came here to write about though.

THERE IS NEWS IN ADOPTION LAND PEOPLE!!

All appeals are DONE.  Nothing but paperwork and waiting for a date remain.  Bert and Ernie will become members of this family PERMANENTLY and LEGALLY soon.  SOON.  For once I can say that and mean it =)  Bert is mad that it's still taking too long.  He really doesn't want to talk about it much.  I don't blame him since we've been saying it would happen for a long time and it still hasn't, even w/this news.  Ernie fluctuates between helping plan the party, grief over loss of/connection to first family, mad it hasn't happened yet, and just plain joy that it will happen!!  He's a little discombobulated too =)  2019 has been a wild ride already...

...I still want to post a 2018 recap/Christmas letter.  Right now it's looking like it's going to be 2 parts.  Maybe 3.  Every time I sit down to write, it gets longer!!  I have a lot to say, mostly so we can look back and remember what was important to us.  I know I could accomplish that in other ways, but this is currently my chosen outlet or method of delivery.  At any rate - please celebrate the adoption news w/us!  Go hug someone and tell them you are glad they're in your life!  

By the numbers

296 days.  The boys (Bert and Ernie) have lived here for 296 days.  Their TPR trial was just rescheduled (again).  Also, 3 is the number of social workers they have had during that time.
6 times.  The number of times I hope to write a blog post this month.
10 chickens, 2 cats and 0 injuries, deaths or disappearances lately!  In fact, the chickens have begun laying eggs regularly again, the cats have killed an inordinate amount of chipmunks and mice!  I think they have scared away most of the wood peckers too.  I'm a little bummed about not seeing as many of the birds around, but impressed at the lack of rodents!
6 is the number of loads of laundry I did today!  It was a lot of bedding and blankets...we cleaned out the camper so I did that laundry too.  I always hated the thought of using a dryer but I must have thought I was thankful for it at least 3 times today!  It's so damp here during this time of year.
4 people were messed up by the time change.  I just rolled w/it and actually got out of bed to get myself ready for church on time!
5 rooms need to be vacuumed.  Well, probably more, but there are only 5 that bother me.  Floors are one of the last things that get done around here!  5 is also the number of vacuums we own!  3 regular, one shop vac and 1 small one in the camper.  AMERICA!!!  (<----i a="" almost="" at="" be="" could="" different="" ep.="" every="" first="" house="" i="" if="" in="" keeping="" means="" nbsp="" notice="" o="" of="" or="" ostentation.="" out="" p="" person="" point="" pretentiousness="" re="" room.="" same="" shout="" show="" single="" stereotypical="" that="" the="" this="" time="" track="" vacuuming="" world="" you="">From 3 to 2 nights, we have gotten the YMCA schedule whittled down!  There are other things in town on other nights, but it now means we have at least two nights, some times 3, where we all sit around our dining table and talk about our day.  Just in time too - w/the holidays around the corner, life is getting busy and I need a few more doses of these little people.  They make me laugh and remind me of why I love my job!
Sadly, I have only been to the Y to take advantage of the classes or machines 1 time.  I missed zumba so much and I was determined to get there one night.  Checked the schedule (not well enough) and grabbed my gear.  Asked the front desk where it was meeting, but found no one in the gym.  It turns out I was a whole hour early!!  The next week was rough and I ate banana bread and vegged out.  We'll see if I get there this week.
2 people I know are in process to adopt privately right now.  I think there is at least one w/an adoption date through the public system and then there's us.  Between my family and friends I am currently in touch w/, I know of probably 20+ children who have been adopted.  It's National Adoption Month and so many things have come through my social media sites....lots of articles, cheeky memes and touching sayings...I take it all in and I am reminded how I never thought I'd be in this position.  My plan for my life did not include this.  That is not a complaint or anything, just acknowledging the fact that life sometimes has surprises in store for you!  Here I am, happier than a clam in sand, to be counting my blessings!
Sorry this post is so disjointed - it's been a rather mixed up couple of days and I really wanted to get a few things down....I'm ready to get back into writing more often!

Rumor has it...

The TPR trial will begin Oct. 31.

(TPR = Termination of Parental Rights)

It's about time!!!  Bert and Ernie have been in foster care for YEARS.  We are their 2nd pre-adoptive placement.  They've been w/us almost 8 months.  The TPR process was started before they joined our family.  If it wasn't, I'm certain we would not have received a TPR date 8-10 months into the placement.  So this is foster care and adoption in WI...laws are different in each state.  Each case is unique.

All that being said...we are counting this as forward progress!!  And we are excited for that!!

Adoption is...

Adoption is like going fishing.

(Betcha didn't see that one coming, did you?)

Fishing: You check the weather, gather your equipment and supplies, get in the boat or stand on the banks of a body of water, cast, and wait.

Adoption: You find a time that is right for your family, do the paperwork and go to classes, get a call/maybe see photos or meet the child, receive a placement and wait.

Fishing: The fishing hole/lake/pond/river is huge.  There's a lot of other stuff in the water.  The chances of catching a fish are not guaranteed.

Adoption: There are so many kids waiting...there are many possible obstacles.  (Keeping it real!)  Also in the interests of honesty, nothing is guaranteed until a judge declares the adoption legal and official.

Fishing: You have to keep quiet or you might scare the fish away.

Adoption: You can't blab much about the case, confidentiality rules apply.

Fishing: You need patience.  Boat loads!

Adoption: You need patience.  Boat loads!

Fishing: This hobby can be expensive, but it doesn't have to be.  You can buy a boat, fancy lures and poles, go out on a chartered excursion or you could get a used pole and look for worms in your back yard.

Adoption: Private adoptions can be expensive.  Adoption through the state programs can be free.

Fishing: Worth it.  I'd be willing to bet that even when they don't catch anything, just about any fisherman will tell you they enjoy their time spent fishing.

Adoption: Worth it.  I'd be willing to be that just about any person whose life has been touched by adoption will tell you all about it!

(My daughter Colleen is adopted through the state foster care system.  We are also in the process of adopting two brothers.  Please know that the topic of adoption is very near and dear to my heart!  I may sound like I'm being silly by comparing adoption to fishing, but the issue of adoption is a huge one and I can't possibly explain EVERYTHING it is to me.  It brought me my daughter...adoption made it possible for me to love someone as my own even though we share quite possibly no DNA whatsoever...adoption was hard, it is beautiful, it is a tragedy that created a victory...and so much more!  When I find myself unable to fully express myself, like in this case, I often crack jokes and use humor to make a point.  That's sort of what I'm doing here...so this fishing analogy is part joke but also part serious.  I hope that makes sense!!  As always, please feel free to email me or talk to me in person if you want to know more about adoption.  I'm always willing to talk about one of my favorite topics!)

Tips for traveling with foster children

We just got back from vacation - it wasn't the first time we took our foster children along.  Many people have asked if that's even possible and others have asked if it's advisable.  All I know is from my own experiences, which I'm happy to share.  I'm not an expert nor do I know everything, but we have taken many trips and I've learned a few things along the way.  Keep in mind that our experiences are all with the county/state public system, so your experiences might be different than ours.  Many of our children have or have had special needs, so our traveling advice is sort of focused in that direction, which might also be new for you.  Feel free to use some of our 10 basic ideas or add your own in the comments!
1) First of all, yes, it is possible to take foster children on vacation with you.  Begin by telling the caseworkers of your travel plans and of course ask if you can take the child/ren along.  It helps if you provide very specific details.  The goal is for the CW to present this to the bio parents and have them sign permission, but in every case so far, our CWs have told us they would go over their heads if need be and get a judge to sign.  A few parents signed yes, a few didn't care and the judge signed.  No one so far has put up much objection, to my knowledge.  The kids might miss visits but those hours can be made up before you leave or when you get back.
2) You really have to evaluate your family and the foster children's case to see if it's advisable.  When we were first approached about Colleen joining our family, we felt awful because we had a trip planned for that week and didn't want her going to respite for her first week home from the hospital.  The CWs made it possible for her to come along, if we wanted.  Of course we did!!  Now looking back on it, we were a little 'leap before you look'-ish because we didn't know the full extent of her medical needs.  It worked out fine though...we did visit an ER in Delaware for her feeding tube, but hey, it was a learning experience for all of us!  This time around, Bert and Ernie don't have medical needs, but they do have many emotional needs.  We prayed about it, talked about it and decided to give it a try.  We stayed with family, so that made it easier in a lot of ways.  We had help!  If the trip was solely us in a hotel, I'm not sure we'd have been ready to take them along.  Either way, keep in mind that time on vacation is great bonding between you and your foster child/ren.   That being said, there have been a number of times we have gone somewhere and found respite for our foster children.  We had plans before we knew about the kids and could not include them, we needed some self-care time, our activities would not be possible with a child of that age, etc.  There is nothing wrong with getting respite if you need it!
3) If your child has special needs and you are flying, be sure to tell the airline.  It helps tremendously!!  If you are just camping or something, like we have done in the past, make sure you take in account things like the noise of a campground or hotel.  Bring a noise machine from home to help them settle in at bedtime or bring extra blankets to make the camper/tent/hotel room darker if needed.  Consider the routine you have at home and find a way to duplicate it on vacation.  We have a rocking lawn chair and I'm totally planning to put that in the camper this summer.  We rock at home and I know how much my kids would miss it when we are on a camping vacation!
4) Hydrate and have lots of snacks.  This is huge!!!  Little people need to fuel up often and if your kids are like mine, food can often spell love and security.  The snacks they have in another state might not be the same you have at home, so your foster children might find great comfort in the fact that you packed their favorite granola bar or brand of cracker.
5) Don't plan any super expensive all day stuff until your family is ready.  Again, what works for you might be different than what works for us, but we have found that the best laid plans are easily disrupted.  If your foster child is overwhelmed, tired or feeling triggered, a whole day's worth of entrance fees to something can be lost.  If you have a membership to a local zoo, museum or garden, check to see if there are reciprocal venues that would allow you free or reduced membership.  We have done this many times!!  We have a science museum membership, a garden membership and at times a kids' museum or zoo membership and over the years it has saved us tons of money in different states!!  That way, if we need to cut our day short, we don't feel like we lost money.  Often times, though, we will just stick to low key or free things and the children are just as happy.  On the most recent vacation, we went to a free spray ground/splash pad and the kids had a blast!  Other examples would be things like Storybook Gardens in South Dakota or local county and state parks, small amusement parks like Bay Beach in Green Bay, or even local libraries!  My kids love spending the afternoon scoping out books in a new community!  You could also go geo-caching or just visit a school playground.
6) Be prepared to do a little extra advance planning or research.  If you have a foster child who is known to run off, you might want to see how many entrances or exits there are to a place.  Do your best to consider any triggers or uncomfortable situations ahead of time.  I think I'm preaching to the choir on this one, but sometimes in the hustle of getting everything ready, this can get overlooked.
7) Take a ton of pictures.  (I'm guessing a lot of us already do this!)  PRINT THEM.  I am totally guilty of letting vacation photos languish in a drive on the computer....I need to take my own advice on this one!!  I'm planning to print a bunch from our latest vacation to hang on the walls, tape to the kids' door and just put in one of those inexpensive photo books.  They love flipping through those =)
8) Bring lots of activities.  For my sensory kids, I brought these squishy dolls (like stress balls) that were a life saver!  I brought a few other things I didn't use much, but that was the best idea.  I also brought colored pencils (not crayons or markers which are known to wreck seats and windows and walls and oh just about anything) and big pads of paper.  I made sure everyone had lots of things to do with their hands - you could also bring lacing cards, matchbox cars, curly shoe laces, ribbon balls knotted up, a bag full of beads or beans, tangles, etc...
9) Designate a spot on your person that when waiting or walking together, the child/ren will be able to put their hand.  (Sounds weird but stay with me here...)  I have always told my 4 kids that if I don't have a hand left for them to hold or if my hands are full, they should stick their fingers in my pocket.  If I have no pockets, they should snag a corner of my shirt and hang on gently.  This has worked wonders for me!!  When we were in a hurry in the airport and I had a lot to carry, Bert stuck 2 fingers in my back pocket and we cruised along.  (That stinker told me a week later that he pilfered my grocery list from that pocket!!  Which explains why I thought I had lost it when we got to the grocery store that first night...oh well - at least he told me!)  When we are waiting, it's helpful for my kids to put a hand on my waist or belt and it gives them a physical thing to hang on to instead of drifting off.  I have found that it's hard for little people to stay close without a specific spot to focus on!  This is also great for in parking lots.  I know a friend who posted something about a magnet the shape of mom's hand.  If you are busy getting other littles out of your vehicle, you can tell the older ones to keep their hand on the mom magnet until you are all ready to go.  When I tried that trick, it rocked my world =)
10) Get books from the library about airports, camping or whatever kind of trip you are taking.  It's possible that your foster children have never flown before.  For us, it was really helpful to show pictures of the security check in, the baggage Xray process and the inside of the plane.  I knew that at least one of my kids would have anxiety with all the unknown, new stuff.  There are some really great books out there to help with this!  Also, get some books about the area you are going to be in, if possible.  If the weather will be different from where you live, maybe talk about that.  Talk about the different kinds of plants you will see, if there are going to be mountains or beaches, or what some of the tourist attractions might be.  Any advance info you can give the kids will be helpful.  On some trips we have had to tell the kids what to do if they saw a bear!  On another trip we told the kids about snakes and on another we made sure everyone could identify poison sumac.  Good times!!  All of these adventures are special treasured memories and I am so glad we have them!!
As I'm typing this, I realize a lot of it could be applied to people who go on vacations with their birth children...which is true, in part.  In general, there are many similiarites, but depending on the foster child/ren, your trip might look very different than you expected.  When we got ready to take our first vacation with a foster child, I remember feeling very overwhelmed!  I felt like a pioneer - the first person to walk through an airport with a medical pole and other assorted supplies!!  But then I got there and looked around...REALITY CHECK - there were lots of passengers of various abilities and needs that did not let their limitations get in the way of a vacation or disrupt their travel plans in any way.  On this last trip, we were traveling with 3 kids who have a collection of needs like sensory processing issues, attachment issues, ADD and ADD/HD, feeding issues and anger issues (to name a few!).  I will admit to feeling like it wasn't going to work, thus letting it all overwhelm me.  Then I was reminded that if we were going to be together (we were) and if I didn't just stop being their mom (I wasn't) then it didn't have to be any different than being at home.
A few final comments on trips or vacations...please know that for some, even going to grandma's house an hour away can be a vacation or special trip, equally adventurous and difficult, depending on the child/ren.  All of these tips could apply to trips like that too!!!  No matter how big or small, trips with foster children are special and worth it.  Remember to do something special or out of the ordinary to celebrate on longer trips - pass out temporary tattoos, eat ice cream for dinner one night, let the kids stay up late catching lightning bugs, go to that local festival with fireworks, etc....!!  The one we do the most is eating ice cream for dinner after a full day of food and fun!  We've found some really unique ice cream places on our trips and we look forward to this tradition each time!
Have you traveled with foster children?  Do you have any tips to share?  Thank you - I am always open to new ideas!

Complex questions, simple answers? or vice versa!

Every time we have received a new placement into our home, it's common for people to see us and ask how it's going.  It's a simple question, really...most of the time we say 'fine' or 'good' and move on.  People who 'get it', though, they know.  

How's it going?

(Do they want the truth?)  "I mean, yeah, overall it's going well...there have been moments...I mean it's hard...but we're all in transition...but it's been pretty easy, I mean...once you've parented a kid, what's a few more, right?"  I find myself stammering around trying to figure out if the people want the long answer or the short one!  

So in an effort to answer the question (mostly for myself to remember!), I thought I'd write a blog post about it.  Then, I can think it through and answer as honestly as possible...

First things first.  I have found a blog name for the 2 boys - Bert and Ernie!  Bert is the older one; he is much more shy and quiet.  Ernie doesn't know the meaning of the word quiet =)  He has no fear, compared to Bert, who at times can be anxious about things, like the kiddie pool.  Bert watches and learns, is quick to give his food, his toy, his anything! really to help his brother's perceived sense of injustice.  Ernie is bold, vocal and strong!  He doesn't let his age, size or circumstances limit him.  They seem so different, yet at the end of the day, both just want to be held and loved.  

So - it is going well.  It's been 9 days since they have arrived and there has been a high level of activity in those days.  They started school!  Bert is in the 1st grade, while Ernie is doing half days of junior kindergarten 4 days a week.  Every day (every...day...) Ernie cries when we drop the others off at school...but one of the days we went open gymnastics family time and wow, did we have fun!  Both boys are great sleepers - but we've made sure there is lots of physical activity in our days, lots of gross motor stuff so that helps.  It's nice we can all go for big hikes in the woods, go to the Y or just spread out in our house.  We are 'remembering' what it's like to have kids younger than our own though - as parents, we have to kind of go through a re-entry - this is how we make potty pit stops to avoid accidents, this is how we provide snacks between meals so no one gets hangry and aggressive, this is how we look for signs of exhaustion (rubbing eyes, falling asleep on Moses 1 minute into Bible time, etc)...oh the things we re-learn now that there are 'littles' in the house again!  There are plenty of sibling spats, of course, but there are some really amazing things happening too.  I have to brag on my big kids - one day we had a particularly long time in the truck.  Ernie was just 'done' and 'over it', getting a little stir crazy.  At one of the pit stops, Moses moved up a row next to Ernie and was working on comforting him.  We were all relieved and grateful it worked!!  The next night, Bert really did not want to leave the Y - he was quite grumpy and for the first time we saw real tears from him.  (They were quiet tears, but they were there!)  After tucking the littles into bed, Dave texted me to say that on the ride home, Ernie started singing and comforting his big brother Bert.  "Jesus loves me this I know..."  Dave said he had tears rolling down his face!  I made sure to let Moses know that his action of comforting someone was not only noticed, but followed!!  The littles want so badly to be like the bigs, not just in the fun or silly ways, but in the way they treat others too!!  It was a powerful moment to see my 10yo realize this and make the connection.  He has been so helpful to buckle people in or tie their shoes...Sometimes sharing things like toys or your parents can be hard, but Colleen is constantly sharing her stuff.  Her and Ernie are often playing My Little Pony together and she is quick to make sure everyone has a car or something so that no one is left out.  When Ernie got a free lanyard from the Y for his ID card, Colleen started to bemoan the fact that she did not get one when she was 'new'.  "Here, you can have it!"  Ernie put it around her neck and this momma danced for joy!  I reminded everyone that this 'makes my heart big' to see and hear them loving on each other this way!  Colleen shares her things and the others have taken note and do the same!

Please don't think it's all roses and rainbows...there have been episodes of yelling and shoving and such, but honestly?  Those are short lived and each day that passes has seen these behaviors fall away.  We are figuring out what works and what doesn't.  We've made what feels like a million trips to the box store to be sure everyone has what they need (car seats? check!  socks? check!  a million boxes of cereal? check!) and the logistics of who goes where on what day is coming easier.  Some things we still need to figure out - 1) Date nights.  Dave and I did really good w/this a few years back, once a week we went out after bed time.  GOD BLESS OUR BABYSITTER WHO LEFT US TO BE A MARINE!!!  He was awesome.  Then he left and his sister came a few times - she's awesome too!  But then life got busy and we just sort of forgot to keep that going.  Since we moved, we've gone out maybe 3 times, thanks to our pastor's daughter.  She's a girl we hope to see more of!  I'm not sure in this season of transition we are ready to do that again, yet we desperately need to carve out a few minutes w/o kids.  All the trauma mamas and foster/adopt peoples are nodding their heads in agreement right now!  2) Going to just about any event where there is a crowd.  So far we've been to 2 small events, a gymnastics meet and a small party at church.  Both were acceptable to attend given that they had only one entrance/exit and we could see the kids at all times.  I know we have time to figure this out, but despite having 4 hands and 4 kids, large crowds are just not do-able yet.  Even going to grandma and grandpa's house would take a lot of advance planning and prayer at this point!  We're enjoying the 'cocooning' time and just being us together at home, but spring break is coming!  My teacher hubby is itching to get out of here and go someplace fun!  3) Car rides seem to end in a shout fest.  Dinners go well b/c everyone takes turns telling mom about their day.  In the car, there is always someone who wants music, someone who doesn't, someone who is convinced the other is breathing on them, someone who wants everyone to look out the window at that 'thing' they can't describe...AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHHHH!!!  So far, everyone seems to like the country music station.  I've tried the Disney station, general kid tunes, pop radio, etc...BUT!  Long trips (and by long, I mean more than 20 mins!) are unavoidable at times, given our situation, so we do need to figure this out.  Once, I managed to convince everyone to air drum, air guitar and air sing through 2 Led Zeppelin songs and hey, what do you know?  It worked!  (Ok, maybe it came out sounding like a demand, but when we were all laughing, no one seemed to care!  Just being real here!)  

How's it going?  Is that more than you wanted to know?  A lot of people (mostly casual acquaintances) hear me say it's going well and follow up by saying that we're doing something so good and nice...and then I stop them.  It's me/us who are blessed.  Our hearts are full and we are always growing and learning from our kids.  The grace they give me and each other is something truly special.  This road we have chosen to travel has bumps and very few road signs, but we are enjoying the journey and continue to press on toward the goal.

Oh blah, there was so much more I wanted to write about!  But's it's after 8 and due to football and a new improved staggered bedtime for all, I forgot to eat dinner.  We ate a late lunch and I wasn't hungry...but now I am...

All this to say, if you have been praying for us, keep it up!  We have had a lot of answered prayers (which is a whole different post!) but we can always use more =)  Thank you - it's going well...that's the short answer!  

Party of six

Our newest family 'photo'! The new additions to the family (2 boys, they still need blog names) will be coming HOME TO STAY this Friday!!! The adoption process has started but they are technically foster kids, so until adoption becomes official, we cannot post photos of them. The stick figure family will have to do for now! Sorry to our Facebook friends who have already seen this...but I wanted to be sure it was shared here too!!  I can't share much, as most of you know, but I promise that when I can, I will!!  The boys were here this past weekend for a sleep over and it went so so so well!!  It was practically impossible to say goodbye when we dropped them off...at that point we hadn't said much to them about it except that they may be coming to live w/us.  We hadn't talked to the case worker yet (it was Sunday, after all) and we just didn't want to say anything ahead of time.  I can't wait to hug those boys again and have them here finally!!  Like I have said before, please pray for all of us as we transition.  There's school registration to navigate, doctor/medical/counseling appointments to set up, and groceries to buy!  =)  If you would have told me that I would be doing all this in the New Year, I'm not sure I would have believed you!  But I am beyond grateful to be doing all of it...

How did we get here?

This month I am participating in an adoption talk link up.  A bunch of bloggers write on the same topic and the posts are linked up in one place.  The topic this month is Getting to Know You...we're tasked w/telling about ourselves or our family's story.  I feel like I've already done some of that here (a 10 things list!)...so maybe it's time for something new?  I thought I'd use this space to publicly thank some people who have positively influenced me/us on our journey through foster care and adoption.  I hope it might also serve to fill in a little of our back story and then if you want to read some current stuff, you can find it here...

First and foremost, thank you Heavenly Father for my love of children.  From babysitting, to working at the university's daycare, then to teaching and raising my own children, I have always had a deep love of kids!  I have been blessed w/many opportunities to be around kids who make me laugh, cry and feel young again =)  Also, thanks for the clunk on the head when I was stubborn and didn't want to do foster care.  All I could think about was 'my' kids leaving 'my' house and not being a part of 'my' life after they went back home...thanks for the reminder that none of it is mine, but it's all Yours Lord!  It's been a blessing to call the kids 'mine' for a while, all the while knowing that putting their family back together could mean a victory for the community.  No, it doesn't always end like that, but there are times when it does.  Thank you Lord for helping me see the many gains for all when we simply serve others.

Thank you to Mark (and his wife!) who grew up w/my dad in the same neighborhood...thanks for staying in touch w/my dad.  Your family, made up of birth children and adoptive children of all different colors, abilities and ages, was/is an inspiration to me.  When I was real small, your family came to visit us once.  I decided I wanted to be just like you when I grew up.  Every year you write these notes to my parents at Christmas and I dig through the basket of cards to find yours.  If we were of the same generation, I'd want to be your neighbor and BFF.  Scratch that first part, can we be neighbors and BFFs anyway?

Thank you to that curly haired blue eyed boy who didn't flinch when I said I wanted 13 kids.

Thank you to the pastor's family who has 28 (!!!I think that's right, the # may have changed by now) adopted children, again, of all different ethnic make-ups, abilities and ages.  We have learned much from you and your children...

Thank you to the DV family - we asked you so many foster/adopt questions and filed the stories of your experiences away for future reference.  You constantly reminded us to take care of ourselves and our marriage when we had foster kids!  It's so hard and so so so so important!!  This is something we continue to learn and now remind others about.

And this thank you is embarrassingly late.  Like 6 years late!  To Dawn YH, thank you for bringing a gift over when we received our first foster child.  You celebrated w/me like one should celebrate a new family member!  At the time, I didn't see how huge this was.  Just the other day I woke up crying thinking about you sharing our joy!  You were a living example of Romans 12:15.  A lot of people who don't do foster care or adopt, don't readily understand how much we need gestures like that!  Even though we don't build our family in the 'normal' way, it's still nice to have someone recognize what's happening and treat us 'normally'.

Thank you to Tracy and her family!  On adoption day, we rounded the corner on our block.  We saw a bunch of colorful decorations and thought someone was having a party.  As we got closer, we saw strings of balloons stretched between the trees and OUR house!!!  Thank you so much for getting your feet wet in the snow and taking time in the cold to do that for us!!  We left it up for the rest of the winter and we were 'that house' - every time we looked out the window, we couldn't help but smile!  People would drive by and honk!  This is only a slice of the encouragement and support you have given us over the years.  The tears, the books, the hugs, the food issues/trauma solidarity...and also thank you for speaking truth and life to us about God's plan for our children.  We know it but sometimes we don't KNOW it!  We love you guys so much and are blessed by you in many ways.

Thank you to our respite providers...I hope you know we'd do much of the same for you if ever you need it.

Thank you FB group...I know I can instantly put up ?s of any kind and get rapid responses.  Insurance problem?  Check the group.  Oh wow, the gov system is down for the day!  No wonder it got rejected!  Thanks for the 1800# to clear that up...Have a tax question?  You guys rocked it.  Found the form easily and didn't freak out when we were 'checked'.  And double checked.  Ideas on how to handle certain behaviors?  Book suggestions, webpages and personal anecdotes.  Love it.  Not to mention the way you all 'get it' and are quick to encourage, defend and protect people you will never meet.  You have no idea how much I value the 'village' you are to me.

Thank you thank you a hundred times thank you to our family and extended families!  You pull out extra toys when we come to visit, set extra chairs at the table and buy extra presents for under the tree.  You pray for us.  Some of you yourselves have adopted and we don't talk enough.  I personally am so grateful for the love shown in my family.  Many families say it and of course I'm biased but mine really does show it in a big way.  Countless times my family and extended family have been there for us, from teary phone calls to giving us furniture to feeding my crew.  I don't thank them enough!

Finally, thank you to the kids who have allowed us to parent them, for however long.  I doubt any more than 1 or 2 of them are ever going to read this, but know this: YOU ARE LOVED and MISSED.  You have changed us, molded us and left an imprint on our heart.

As I wrap this up, I realize that I haven't said much about me.  Maybe I shouldn't have joined this link up?  But then I thought about it, and I realized that if you really want to know me, you should really get to know the people 'behind the scenes'...the people who hold us up when we feel like we can't do it anymore, the people who cheer us on, the people who inspired us on this journey!  I wouldn't be ME if it wasn't for these people =)

Write it down!

This is my place to write about significant things that happen in life...sometimes I don't get here often enough!!  A quick update on the myriad of things happening around here...
- The last possible adoption was not meant to be.  The current caregiver for the girls has decided to adopt them, which for the girls, means they will not have to move again.  Which is good =)  But it also stinks!  So our SW sent over a few more child descriptions and we said yes to a few, so we'll see if we get matched w/any of them.  And so it goes...again...
- My sub gig may be ending soon!  If it gets approved, the teacher will be returning this week - at first it will just be half days, if I understand correctly.  I'm ready to be home.  I've got so much to do!!  I have been very overwhelmed and TIRED.  I really want to get back to 'normal' and hopefully my eczema will go away too.
- We chose to put Pippa the chicken down...she became egg bound in her old age and was quite sick.  She wasn't eating...it was the first time we took care of things like that on our own.  Listen to me - 'we'!!  No, I should say Dave made it so that Pippa is no longer in pain.  We all had a few tears but it was a good choice.
- In other adoption news, we had the opportunity to meet w/Colleen's bio sister today.  Colleen and Shane are the only 2 sisters out of 7 who have been adopted.  It was so nice to get together and see the girls' smiles =)  As w/almost everything w/Colleen in the relationship department, we spent time talking about if it would be a good idea or if it would send her into a tailspin.  The visit went well and we hope to do it again some time.  We never intended for Colleen's adoption or the info about her bio family to be like some big secret, we just realized that a lot of the info wouldn't be healthy to share.  As for this sister, we have talked about her in the past and when asked if she wanted to meet her, Colleen said yes.  I have no idea if it will change or affect her/her behaviors in the future...this is all new territory for us here, people!!  But at this time we thought the good outweighed the possibility of any negative implications.  The girls had a few special moments taking selfies together and sharing Starburst =)
- I'm looking forward to making a Christmas post w/photos here!!  It may be late (again!) but I always enjoy that...

Alphabet soup!

If you are involved in foster care or adoption, you know that many of the kids' diagnoses are made up of letters.  ADD, RAD, PTSD, etc...it can get dizzying to read all the letters.  One thing I always try to remember is that these are people we are talking about here.  The kids have been through trauma but they are NOT their diagnoses.  There is so much more to a kid than you will ever read in a child description or hear from a social worker.  On one hand, it's a big deal to learn about the diagnoses and be prepared for them.  On the other hand, get ready to expect the unexpected and just be ready to learn about the child when they arrive!!  Forget all the letters/alphabet soup and just open your eyes to the wonderful creation the Lord has placed in your life!
     I have been thinking a lot about this lately and chewing on it since we got a call for a 'child presentation'.  That means we had agreed to be considered as a match for a child/ren (this time for 2 sisters).  The state permanency consultant and kids' social worker got together and picked us or us and a few others to be a match.  We saw the child description when we were asked if we wanted to be considered but in a 'presentation' they are supposed to give us more info and both 'sides' get to ask questions.  The girls 'presented' to us have various letters as diagnoses and it didn't initially scare us off.  One phone interview w/the social worker and state consultant behind us, we are prayerfully considering moving forward.  We will keep you posted!!
     And now I'm going to steer this blog post in another direction...weird story about me - I used to hate hate hate soup.  I never ate it, really, until I started dating my husband.  He took me to his older brother's house on one of our first dates and my (now) SIL had made soup for dinner.  I tried to be polite!  I ate the chunks and stirred the broth...how the heck do you eat a liquid?!  I felt bad but I couldn't choke down what I considered to be colored water in a spoon!  Now I eat soup, but when I make it I spoon myself mostly chunks and a few spoonfuls of liquid!  We make alphabet soup b/c the kids like it =)  I have been wanting to post a lot lately b/c so many things are happening...our 'soup cup' runneth over w/letters and chunky good stuff!
     I have been subbing (see last post) and I was just asked to continue doing so until after Christmas.  I said yes...but now I'm wondering how to pull this off?!  I'm hard on myself and the places where I let people down, where I don't feel like I can do a good enough job.  I really just want to go to Target, go for hikes in the woods and see if I can find time to visit some of my besties in the Madison area and in TN.  It's all good though, I'm buckling down and finding joy in the small things.  I've got a student who loves sharks and the other day we talked sharks for a good 10 minutes!  He brings me bouquets of fallen leaves that I tape together and keep on the desk.  There are students who are dramatic like me and next door is a teacher so selfless, I have already cried for joy over her example of serving others.  All of this makes me feel so blessed!!
     Friday I had off and a flock of over 20 turkeys showed up in the yard.  They were on the fence, ambling their way into the woods.  They spent the day slowly pecking around on the edge of the woods...they would go south for a bit, come back to the side of the house, and then work their way back just south of our property again.  The next day there were there again...and today I found them in one of the chicken's favorite spots!  Good stuff.  Can't wait 'til we have some hunters in this house!
     Lately Colleen has been having a few rough days.  Of course I try not to blame myself and the fact that I am working, but I know that any change in our house can set off, well, just about anything.  A month or so ago, I started singing her to sleep at night.  (Can't believe she asks me to do that - I can't carry a tune in a bucket!  Paint runs off the wall when I sing!!)  At first I was resistant - hurry up and get to bed! - but then I remembered that for 2 minutes, I am bonding w/my baby and maybe no one ever sang to her when she was tiny.  I praise God for the opportunity to sing to her now.  Two minutes or 5 - who cares?  She needs me.  W/all of our trips to the children's hospital lately, I think her anxiety might be kicking in too.  Either way, it's a blessing to be her mom and I pray I get the opportunity to be the mom to more kids who have alphabet soup needs!

Adoption update . . .

Last post left some people hanging and it's time to tell 'the rest of the story'....
We finally heard back from the case worker and they chose the other family for the sibling set of 3.  Cue sound of deflating balloons and horns trailing off...As Colleen says, BUMMER!!!  Well, we have had a lot of other things going on to distract us.  So in true ME fashion, I'm going to rattle off a random list...
- We got kayaks!  We tested them out and so far so good.  We were out in the Great Lake Michigan the other day - it was a beautiful day!!  Mo paddled his own and Colleen sat in mine.  When we were almost all the way back, Colleen elected to switch to Mo's kayak.  It was so much fun hearing them laugh and Mo tried to get her to harmonize w/him, singing Beatles' tunes.  They crack me up!  She was imitating his diction and such, not his tone, b/c she didn't get what he meant.  He kept trying, and laughing, and trying again to explain tone.  Finally they got it and they didn't sound bad at all!  Mo is a pretty good singer since he has an exceptional ear for pitch/tone whatever you call it...I do not, hence the fact that I don't even know what to call it!
- The house is slowly getting into shape.  I am almost ready to put up pictures and decorate!  I have a vision for at least one room and I'm working on it for a few others.
- We got 3 new chickens.  Daisy, Sugar and Cinnamon!  We've been letting the 8 hens free range a bit in the afternoons.  Mostly they come back to the coop at night.  But - it seems they need a little assistance at times.  A few nights in a row, the feed bucket was getting dumped over by some scoundrels - we were guessing it was a raccoon but it could have been a deer.  (They have been really aggressive - eating TONS of my hostas, even the ones by the windows!!)  Then one night we couldn't find Daisy.  We hoped she would come back, but it's been a few nights and there's no sign of her.  The same night the whole entire 3 gal bucket went missing.  GONE.  No sight of it either.  We blame raccoons....Or something else big enough to haul a pail far enough into the woods that we can't find it!!  Ah well, country living, I guess.  So now we have 7 chickens total and I am sure to put them to bed a little earlier.  We've also heard a barn owl at 4 in the afternoon and seen hawks and such.  There are tons of toads, frogs, salamanders, hummingbirds, dragonflies, butterflies, etc...Colleen is in heaven catching things every day, sometimes multiples times a day!
- We spent some great days w/friends, celebrated a birthday, put up a screen house (twice!), camped a bit and Moses did a Dirty Ninja Mud Run!  All good things.  We've biked to town a few times and started attending a church closer to home.  We've toured the local school and there are a few doctor appointments and summer camps on the calendar.  We are praying for many friends and family members as they deal w/their own health issues and changes in their own lives.  There's always room for more on our prayer list, so let us know if you want to be added =)
- Our adoption case worker came out to the house to update our file.  Walked through the house, checked off a few things from the list of necessary papers she needed and we are about to be re-licensed.  We're ready for whatever God has planned for us next!  Thanks for praying for us and continually encouraging us...there are many emotions on this road and we lean on our family and friends often.  We appreciate you!  Thank you and if we hear anything else, we'll be sure to update again!

Nibbles

We are due for a foster care/adoption update!  If you recall, after our last foster placement we decided to go straight to adoption.  We'd really like to focus on permanently growing our family for a season.  A bunch of time has gone by since we made that decision (2 years?!) and the first adoption nibble was around last Thanksgiving.  I have mentioned it in an earlier post, but just to recap - the little guy that was 'presented' to us at the time became unavailable for adoption.  Fast forward 6 months and for reasons vaguely tossed our way, he became available again.  We didn't feel too strongly about adopting him the first time and this time we definitely felt unsettled about it...it's sort of a long story and if you know us in person, feel free to ask.  We'll share what we can!  Of course, it stinks that us saying 'no' to receiving him as a placement means that he is still in need of one...I hate that a child is waiting - but at the same time, if we are not a good fit for him, it would be in everyone's best interests not to bring him here...are you sensing my mommy guilt?  Adoption is such a clump of emotions!!  Guarding our hearts but yet trying to leave them open at the same time!!  Anyway - fast forward a few weeks and our state social worker called and left a message.  It sort of went something like this...

I know you said no to the last placement and I haven't heard much from you (we'd been playing phone tag!) but I wanted to see if you are still interested in adoption.  Your license is up for renewal so I was just checking if you'd still like to be in the program...

I nearly dropped the phone!  Yes of course we still want to be in the program!  You can bet I called her back faster than you can say pizza!  When I spoke to her in person, she said that the last time we talked she had profiles of a lot of teen boys but that wasn't the case at the moment...she had some profiles of sibling sets (that's just what I/we wanted to hear!) and she was hoping we would consider looking at them since we were one of the few families she knew of that were able and willing to take multiple children.  I made sure not to drop the phone that time and did my best to keep my voice from squeaking!  Send me the profiles!  All the sibling sets!!  I'm ready!  She said she'd make sure to get them out today and after that I just stopped listening.  Bye, I have to go call my husband and tell him we need to get this place in shape if a bunch of small kids are going to be joining us soon!  I smell a trip to the big box store!!  Somebody tell me to take a deep breath - even in telling/writing this story I get a little over dramatic and excited =)  Of course, I reminded myself that just b/c we would see the profiles, it didn't necessarily mean we would be picked as a match or that we would even say yes to be 'in the running' for the kids anyway.  Step one: Read the profiles.  Step two: Tell the social worker if you want to be considered.  Step three: Wait to see if they choose you....
Well, that timeline is all fine and dandy if there are no other outside influences or variables...!!  I incessantly checked my email every 10 minutes, no lie.  Nothing came.  It was a Weds.  Went to bed.  Woke up checking my email at 6am like the social worker was burning the midnight oil to send that email to me.  (All the foster/adoptive parents can stop laughing now!)  Thurs came and went.  Fri came and went.  Tossed and turned at night, went from mentally preparing to trying desperately not to think about it...God's plan is best.  So is His timing even if I am still learning that lesson!  Monday I got a little worried.  We were still finishing up the re-licensing stuff and needed a few things from the SW.  Dave called and asked (as politely as possible) if she had been on vacation or something...she was out of the office for a few days!  PHEW - I thought it was some sort of test!  Anyway - I'm not sure if I would have passed or not...Tues we got 2 emails!!!  After talking and praying about it, we decided to say yes to one of the sibling sets on Weds.  And began to wait...One week later and we got notice that the case workers for the kids wants to meet with us!!  They will 'present' the case file to us!  It basically means we can ask a bunch of questions and hopefully get lots more info...
AGAIN -
this is super exciting and awesome and nerve-wracking and special and emotional and all of that and more!!  But in the adoption world?  It doesn't mean much.  We are one teeny tiny baby step closer to having more kids in the house...it's still a long way to an actual adoption.  We know that, we get that, we've done the dance, been there, seen the sights, got the T-shirt, sent our moms a postcard...I wouldn't say we are super experienced at this but we do know a few things.  The 'step one step two' list up there?  I re-wrote it.  It should look a little bit more like this..
Step one: Pray
Step two: Ask everyone you know to pray.
Step three: Pray some more.
Step four: Pray as you clean your house!
Step five: Begin thinking about what you may (or may not) need if more people start living in your house...basically re-evaluate the space and stuff you have.
Step six: Wait.  You can pray while you are doing Step 5 too =)
So now you are one of the awesome people who are privy to this information and you are wondering what you should do about it?  Yes - if you said PRAY, you are correct!!  What can you pray for?  First and foremost, pray for the 3 kids.  There is a reason they are in foster care, waiting to be adopted.  Pray for their emotions and how they will handle a possible move.  Pray for their protection and well-being, pray for their hearts, pray for their family - I don't begin to think I know what is happening there.  Please pray for us as we mentally, emotionally and physically prepare for something that may or may not happen.  Pray for unity and the bonds that are existing here, for the bonds that may or may not be formed in the future.  I'm sure there are a ton of other ways you can think of as you pray for us!  We are grateful that many of you have already been praying for us!!  Thank you - of course we look forward to updating everyone as we can...please keep in mind that many of the details are not able to be shared yet- in time, we pray that if it is God's will, we will be able to share much more =)
(By the time I hit publish on this, we have a Tues June 23 appt w/case workers and the state permanency worker...baby steps...)

Slam! Creak...Woosh!

One of life's greatest pleasures is finding the time to do something you love...
I like to blog and keep track of what we're doing and how we're doing and all that, but sometimes we're so busy doing that I don't get the time to write here!  I miss it =)  I find myself w/a random 30 minutes now.  I don't want to clean.  (Don't act so shocked!)

The other day there were 3 meetings scheduled and I wanted to make it to all of them.  Gymnastics parent meeting at 6, women's ministry meeting at 6:30 and crisis pregnancy center meeting at 7.  I packed a bag, almost like I was moving out!  It turns out the cpc meeting was not until next week, which was a nice surprise, but the point is that the one hour + span of my life pretty much sums up the rest of it!  For years I have prayed for God to stretch me and help me do things I felt he called me to do.  Truth is, I didn't pray that hard b/c I sort of worried that I couldn't do it/them.  I have all my hang ups and idiosyncrasies/aka crazies and I wanted and didn't want some things to happen at the same time!  But - I'm learning to recognize the seasons of my life quicker and getting better at being obedient and having a willing attitude when it comes to being stretched.
Well!  With that said...God has been closing and opening doors in life...it's been a crazy past few weeks!  I'm grateful for the open doors b/c closed doors can be very difficult to handle at times...

CLOSING:
-My time w/the theater group has ended.  My choice - I'm mad, sad, frustrated...but the truth is, the joy was gone a while ago.  Sort of a long story, but I have been blessed by the friendships I made and I did enjoy doing something that was so 'me', even if it was only for a while!  The lesson I am learning is to trust my instincts and when given discernment, I should chuck my plan and remember that I serve a big God whose plans are better than mine.  He is my Rock, my Defender and as long as I am on His side, I've got the victory!  (sorry, I'm dancing as I type, well you can't see that, but just typing that last part I can hear one of my favorite gospel songs in my head so I'm dancing! on a Monday!  Yep!  Turning my attitude around =)!)
-One of my best friends is moving away.  I have a million things to say about her...but that's almost a whole other post!  I knew it was coming and it still makes me sad.  This woman is a huge part of why I am me and she inspires me to be better, to be more and to stop letting other random things hold me back.  What makes it harder is that she's not moving away to one particular place I could go visit - their family is going to be rocking the RV life on the road!  Oh I'll still go visit her, I'll just have to find her first!  Back in the day, the lesson I would have taken from this is that I should just not make friends!  But now, it's different.  I know that I can maintain a friendship wherever Tracy goes and that no matter what, I know she will follow God's call in her life.  That is the kind of friend I want, not someone who lets her emotions or fears control her and the choices she makes for herself and w/her family in life.  So it's a good thing, but still just hard for me.  You know how it is, right?  Let's all bust out in the latest greatest theme song...."Let it go, let it go, can't hold me back anymore....let it go...let it go..."  (Now it's in your head, you're welcome, just wishing it wasn't in mine too!)
-Dewey and Curly Sue are back in foster care.  =(  Only this time since we don't have a county foster care license, they didn't call us.  It was our choice to switch to the state adoption list only, and I know that they are in really good hands, but it still was like a big door closed.  I hadn't missed foster care much and was looking forward to adding to our family permanently this time.  But when this happened, of course I couldn't help but feel like I wanted to run to them and switch our license back!!  I was reminded though of the other doors that are being opened...and to be patient...

OPENING:
-There are many more things to do with the women's ministry at church, the crisis pregnancy center and Love Feeds OUR World, a mission group working in Haiti.  I'm excited to be involved in these things!  I've prayed about some of those closed doors w/my friends/sisters in these groups and I know they are praying for me about the other ones that they are not even aware of yet.  Never in a million years would I have believed I would be doing some of these things, but I am, and I am realizing that when I/we are operating in God's Will, He blesses us greatly.  I am so grateful to be able to witness some of these awesome things!!
-We saw an adoption profile that to us seems like it would be a good match.  Our study has been submitted!  That's all I'm going to say about that now...as soon as I know something else, you know I will be shouting it from the rooftops!!
-Do you know that I have had a lot more free time lately?  It's amazing what you can do w/some bonus time!  Now don't go getting the wrong idea...I'm still me, not Martha Stewart...house is still cluttered...cleaner, but cluttered...I learned some things about iMovie, read a book I love, and we changed the orientation of the couch!  Yeah, even the boring things are new and exciting!

This past weekend the weather was half way decent and we did our first family fun run!  Mo and I ran 2 miles (mostly me chasing him!) while Dave and Colleen walked one mile.  It was awesome!  We're looking forward to another in June and then who knows?  Soon it will be summer and we'll see where we wander =)  Or what doors will be opened!

Perfection

Do you remember that game?  It was recently 'unearthed' from a closet and the kids are loving it.  I personally never liked it much - you work so hard to put all those pieces in the correct spaces before it pops up and they get all mixed up anyway!  Not to mention how some of them are really similar.  The little kids call the game 'shapes' and are so very proud of themselves when they get them all put in (it's not running...).  That's the version I like =)  Low stress, just put them in on your own time.  Lately I've been seeing that game like a metaphor for life!  There's a lot going on here and we work hard to fit the pieces in just at the right time...
First things first - lots of prayer requests!  Please pray for our family, as our home study file was submitted for a possible adoption (foster-to-adopt).  They (the state or the county of origin) will call and let us know if we have been selected as a match.  More on that later when I am able to share details, but of course you know I will be quick to announce any updates =)  Also, please pray for Dave's mom.  She's been struggling w/a lot of migraines and they found what they believe to be a benign tumor.  If you would like, she has a caring bridge page where you could read more about it (let me know and I can get you the link).  This weekend she will receive IV treatment for the migraines.  Pray for her physical comfort, peace about the situation and that healing will come quickly!  Finally, please pray for the theater group...we are going to be filming the play and turning it into a movie!  It will eventually be sold on amazon, but we will be raising funds to pay actors, the directors and filming costs before September.  If you would like to be a part of the production of this movie in any way, please see our website (http://leastoftheseplayers.wordpress.com) or FB page!  We have seen the Lord's hand at work in all of this and we cannot wait to see what is to come!  We would appreciate your prayers, your encouragement and of course, if you are able, your financial support.  We are in the process of setting up a way for people to donate online, so I will let you know when that is up and running.
Things you can join us in praising the Lord about - recently Colleen was at the children's hospital and her BMI was AVERAGE!!!!  That is a huge deal here at our house!!!  The doctor and nutritionist told us we can 'back off' - no need to stress about calories and how much Colleen is eating.  (Easier said than done, especially when you've been doing it for years!)  It's pretty exciting to think that Colleen has reached her goal, now to work on maintaining it =)  Please praise God w/us that so far no one has gotten super sick or anything.  It's been a pretty good season so far of relative health.  Also that we are all enjoying our various activities - Moses' latest floor routine in gymnastics was much improved - he almost has cartwheels down!  And by down, I mean feet up!  The last couple of meets he struggled to turn his long self over like that...but he's getting a lot better!  At conferences, the teachers all had such good things to say about our kids.  The reading teacher showed me Colleen's writing journal.  I held back the tears as I saw the first few pages of chicken scratches compared to the most recent page.  There was at least one whole sentence...it was readable, there were spaces between the words, it was in a straight line and I know it took a lot of focus and determination for her to do that!  My sweet girl is starting to read on her own and impress me w/her fortitude and stamina to do more in school than I thought possible for this year.
I have been meaning to write a bunch but it has been so busy lately!  AND COLD.  Many days of below zero and wind chills waaaay below zero.  We sort of go into survival mode on those days - check chickens more often, kids might not have school, check pipes and find indoor activities to keep us from getting cabin fever =)  Thankfully lately it's just been snowing a bunch and not too cold.  I started babysitting a friend's little girl 2 days a week - it's so much fun having a little one in the house again!  She found some of our favorite books and I was reminded how special some of those foundational things are to kids.  I started going to a small group of women, the women's ministry is busy serving and getting ready for our conference, play practice is in full swing since we have 5 shows over the last week in March/first week in April.  And then there's the movie!!  Busy busy...Moses just finished his 3rd gymnastics meet and both kids started practices for the kids' spring musical.  Dave is playing music for church again and starting a small group too.  He's been taking on a few more responsibilities at work and we're helping w/the kids' musical at church too.  We know that if we are able to add to our family, we may need to slow down a bit at first, but most of the people we are working w/already know that =)  We are very blessed to have friends and people we consider family here that are so supportive!  Best of all, we know they are praying for us!  I'm doing my best to 'lean in' and let God lead.  So many times, big stuff like this starts happening around here and my brain takes off - I think through all sorts of scenarios, good and bad, riding emotional waves as I think about each one. It's good for me to be busy, to keep my mind centered on what is important and keep my thoughts in the present.  I am very grateful to be a part of the small group and the group of people in our theater company.  I praise God every day for Dave and all the ways he helps me, not to mention keeps me on task =)  It's helpful for me to write here too - like therapy! - and to know that people who read here are praying too, so thank you!!

Adoption day musings 2014

Do you know my birth mom?
Yes.  Well, I haven't seen her in a while but I know who she is.
Do you know her name?
Yes.  (I say her name.)
Oh.

(later)

When I die, how will I kiss you?
Well, most likely I will be in heaven already so you can kiss me there!
How?  You will be there already?
Statistically speaking, yes.  But only God knows if I will be there first or if you will.
But how will I kiss you?
I hope it's just like you do now!  I love kisses!!!  I love you!!!!
I love YOU!!!!


It's been 4 years the adoption became official and out of all the celebration, these two snippets of conversation seemed out of the ordinary.  Well, conversations similar to this are not out of the ordinary for us, but for some reason...Colleen has never specifically asked about her birth family.  She asks questions about things that happened w/us before she came, but not about things on her end.  I really wanted to write these conversations down.  It struck me that on adoption day, she wanted to check if I knew her birth mom's name.  Upon hearing that I do, not really caring what it was, she went back to talking about other random things.  It's like she was just checking to make sure those little facts about her past were still there.  And once she knew they were there, she didn't really want to deal w/them, just make sure they weren't gone.  Does that make sense?  Well, I know what I'm talking about!  ;)  And the whole kissing me after she's gone...???  With her attachment issues, giving me kisses is not something she does regularly, unless of course she can use it to her benefit.  She pulls away or turns away often...so when she wanted to know how we would kiss if ever separated...I had to choke back my tears =)  I wanted to run around the house, waving my hands in the air..."I think she loves me!"  I know most of you won't get that, but those of you that are 'in the trenches', loving a RADish or just a sweet child w/minor attachment issues, you know.  You know.
When I was getting into bed that night, I talked to Dave about the two conversations I wrote about here.  I feel like we are going to be having a lot more of them...that's not a bad thing, in fact, I am looking forward to them!  But I must admit to being a bit caught off guard by a few things, like the fact that she didn't care about the actual name, just that I still knew it.  I've read so many books and praise God that we've made lots of friends who get it.  I'm grateful we talk about our shared experiences and process all the stuff we go through...but none of that matters.  We're writing our own story here =)  And we are so blessed to be able to do that!