When?

Yesterday Moses had a wrestling meet.  My Dad came.  Dave dropped Ernie off after school so he could cheer Moses on too.  It was in the back gym, not the big one.  There were metal folding chairs set up.  I sat between my Dad and Ernie.  It was loud since the chairs were right on the edge of the mat.  Parents cheering, coaches yelling, kids screaming at their teammates...you get the idea.  Ernie was so excited to be there!  First match - he asked all kinds of questions about why this guy is doing that, why that guy has those shoes, why it's in this gym...you get the idea =)  Second match - he asked if he could color.  I offered a pencil and suggested we look for paper in his backpack.  Nah!  Clearly he was already bored. 

"When am I going to be adopted?!" he said, annoyed and seemingly out of the blue.

I was caught off guard.  I shouldn't have been, for various reasons.  Bert is usually the one who asks that.  A lot.  Often.  I'll never forget how early on we were out in the yard, when Bert took his shoe off and threw it at me b/c I wouldn't adopt him already!  Bert and I have a lot of conversations about the steps to adoption and why it's a long process.  We talk about how I would adopt him RIGHT NOW or even YESTERDAY or maybe even BEFORE YOU WERE BORN!!! if that was possible.   Sometimes Ernie is present for these conversations.  Sometimes he is not.  Usually Ernie is 'meh' (as the kids say) about all this adoption stuff.  He seems indifferent.  I know that is not entirely true but even if it was, that's totally ok, acceptable and understandable.  At any rate...I should have seen it coming, but maybe not during a wrestling match like that. 

As I moved on to answering the question, in the middle of a loud wrestling meet, it seemed like time slowed down.  You know how in a movie, the stuff around the edges goes slower and blurrier while the center scene is in real time and full focus?  Like that.  There's probably a cinematic term for that, but I don't know it.  Anyway - it was one of those moments.  I sat between my Dad and my son, while another son was across the aisle in wrestling gear and I tried to explain life, the complicated foster care adoption system and my heart.  My momma heart that aches and loves and beats for my kids.  Life that is crazy and dumb and awesome and contains moments like this one where God is present and real and we just have to hold on and hurry up and wait.  'The system' that says it's for the kids but it's the kids who get a raw deal b/c, well, just b/c it's a system and not necessarily the solution.  All that.  I tried to explain all that.  To a kid.  A kid.  When I feel like a kid myself.  I wanted to turn to my Dad, my Dad who is going through his own stuff but is, still, and will always be my Dad, and I just wanted to be a kid again.  A kid.  A kid who doesn't have to explain all these things.  A kid who believes she can do anything, be anything, fix everything....thanks to her parents.  But I also love that I get to be the parent.  I love that I get to do what I can to convince my kids of those very same things. 

(Just to keep things in perspective, I have been told that nobody wants to be in my family mere hours after being asked about adoption.  This I understand too.  This is 'normal' for our situation.  This is what makes our world turn.  But those moments make the above described moments even more sweet.  And blog-worthy!) 

A roo-roo-roo!

Winky face!

Hi!  My name is Bailey!  I'm new here.  I had a long ride all the way from Memphis!  My Dad met me and my driver in a Walgreens parking lot...I was pretty overwhelmed but happy to have the big guy drive me to my furever home!  It was a long drive to my house but they had a kennel ready for me and some toys, food and water bowls.  The next morning there were all these little people!  I could not wag my tail hard enough!  They were a little loud but then all of a sudden Mom went out the door w/them and came back all by herself.  We had a pretty good first day together.  When I went out to pee, I noticed that they also have these funny looking dogs here.  I think they live outside.  I didn't see a kennel for them or any food bowls either.  They're kinda furry and they say meow a lot, especially when they're hungry!  There's also these other things in the back yard...not sure what to call them. 

They are all different colors and make some really loud noises, like they are freaking out!  They flutter around a lot but this one they call Reba sure likes me.  Sometimes Wynona comes over to say hi too.  Those girls need to tell their friends that I'm cool b/c sometimes they get a little excited and run away.  I just want to play!  I'll make friends w/them yet!
Since I've been here, I've gone on a lot of walks.  Did you know they have water here?  Once I went down there and it was LOUD - but it looked like fun!  Mom says we can go swimming when it's warmer.  She said I would like camping too - whatever that is.  I've seen this 'camper' thing and it looks like a little house!  On wheels!  That's crazy...anyway - all this activity and making friends w/the little people wears me out sometimes.  Sleeping is good.

The other day Mom took me to my first vet appointment.  There was a nice lady who put out a few crumbs of treats and then she put cheese on the wall!  CHEESE!!  She kept trying to put this black thing on my back but I wasn't having it.  I was smart and waited until she left the room to eat the cheese.  The vet came in and he talked to Mom about ticks, food and the little people.  It was a good day but I came home and took a nap since I was tuckered out.

I've also been to puppy class.  There are all these puppies there w/their Moms and Dads and a really nice couple who is helping us play together.  Mom tried to get me to lay down for a treat but um, hello?  I don't do stuff like that on the first class!  I learned a lot from my previous foster parents and Dad says I'm really a good dog.  I don't beg, I listen well, I have only jumped on the couch once!  My foster family was so nice to teach me manners!  I love people and dogs too.  I'm even starting to like the little furballs that live outside!  At puppy class, I licked every dog there.  I just went around the room and licked 'em!  The big dogs liked it, some of the little ones tried to hide but my tongue still reached them.  The teacher said I did a good job.  Mom laughed and said that I was a wet bandit.

Recently I stayed over at the vet.  I was sore when I came home and I had an owie on my belly.  Mom won't let me run much, she said it's not good after surgery.  Things w/that were going pretty well for a while but then today - UGH!  Today she took me back to the vet and this happened!!

Yup, that's a cone.  This dumb thing keeps getting caught in doorways and seriously restricts my ability to easily lick people and other dogs!!  I did discover in the wet snow today though, that if I put my nose down to sniff, when I lift up my head, I can scoop the snow!  Then if I come up fast enough, I can actually toss the stuff I scooped!  I tried to catch that and Mom kept laughing!!  Scoop, toss, jump, scoop, toss, jump!  This cone is annoying and it doesn't come off when I scrape at it w/a paw, but it is a little fun in the snow.  Just don't tell the vet I said that, ok?  Mom tried to get a video of me playing but maybe next time she'll have a little better control w/her bad arm. 
Anyway - I thought I would introduce myself since I'm sort of a big deal around here!  I'm super friendly so if you see me sometime I will demand to greet you and probably lick half your face off, just so you know how much I love friends!  I'm happy to be part of a furever family now and the coolest thing is that I'm not the only one here who was in foster care and adopted too - some of my little people went through the same thing.  If we're not a match made in heaven, I don't know what is. 

Goals 2018

Before writing this post, I looked back at some of my past year's goals...yeah...I feel like writing a big fat TRY AGAIN over them or just copy and pasting them here!!  But that's boring and doesn't make for an exciting post...so....how about I just write some of the new ones here?  If you feel like it you can take a look at the older ones here.  Before I spit out a big to do list for 2018, I'd like to highlight what went well in 2017.
I cleaned and purged in the alcove!  That means I emptied the huge bin of mostly kid papers and projects that I moved to our new house 2 years ago!!  This felt sooooo soooo soooo good, even if it took me forever to do it.  School papers are better organized now and have a real home.  I'll be ironing on that latest "You're a grown-up!" badge real soon. 
Dave helped me in a big way to get a garden cage up.  I really hope this year to get some things started in the house.  Overall, the garden is set up and ready for the next year.  Big win for someone who 'has to' grow stuff!
We camped quite a few times w/family and friends - this was so good for my soul - I really hope we can plan out more of this in 2018.  I like the long trips too, but sometimes a girl just needs to see her besties and hearing the kids make mischief w/their cousins is definitely priceless.
I've been able to get to bible study w/some women from church on a semi-regular basis.  Still working on relationships and my own personal faith journey, but meeting w/people IRL is a good thing.
Guys - I've been cooking!!!  COOKING!!!!!  Now don't go thinking I mean that fancy pants restaurant kind of stuff, I'm talking casseroles, quiches and Mexican dishes, but being that we are at the Y at least twice a week for a number of hours, I've pushed myself to make real food for my family.  I even tried a new thing today!  I'm getting to be a master of all things 9 x 13...another 'grown-up achievement level' unlocked!  Where's my bouncing star and tinkly electronic theme song? 
I've been decorating the house...there are pictures on the wall...still no decorating theme or coordinating put together rooms but I'm trying!  I am even thinking of hiring a professional for some advice.  I'm ready for grown-up furniture (bought one piece already) and an actual 'style'.  Other than "I'm too lazy to do this, I have no interest, and no eye for what looks good", that is.
Alright!  Now for some new stuff!  First of all, the kids are doing well.  It's been 2 years since we added to the family and we've reached a loose routine and sense of peace in the house.  I know I can step up my game as a momma and some of my goals are related to that.  I'll begin meeting Moses at the library after school to work on his online Spanish class next semester.  I need to carve out at least 10 minutes a week w/each kid.  That sounds easy, but Lord help me, my scrambled brain can never remember to slow down and focus.  I steal moments here and there but so much of our lives happen in a group...it just needs to be a priority for me to make that connection w/each one on purpose.  Another thing I'd like to do more of is hosting people in our home for meals, Bible study or 'play dates' for the kids.  Hang outs?  Are they too old to say play dates?  Maybe!  We are always willing to have people over but I feel like I need to make everything BETTER for that to happen.  "Maybe when we get better furniture....maybe when we re-paint in here....maybe when it's not so muddy outside..."  This year I commit to trying to host someone(s) once a month!  We already hosted a family in the month of Jan, I think...which means I need to get working on a Feb date!  I feel like that one is not a super new goal, but oh well.  Here's another one - get active more.  I think this one will be a little bit easier this year, for various reasons.  Back in the day, I used to run.  I miss it and wonder if my 40yo self can muster up the strength and energy to get back to where I left off?  I once set the goal for a sub 30min 5K and came really close!  I think I technically achieved it but didn't count it for some reason.  I'll have to look that up.  Anyway - living on a country road, I still need to decide if I want to run along the shoulder out there or just drive the 3 mi to town to run on sidewalks.  That seems ridiculous but there is pretty much no shoulder on our road, just a big ditch!  Road running sounds better right now, but we'll see when I actually do it.  Finally, a big goal I have never written down but always wanted to do - design a photo book for each year since I met Dave.  I'm talking about setting it up online and having it printed.  I can't stand the thought of sitting in front of a screen editing a year's worth of photos but I know my kids love the photo books Nana has made!!  It would be totally worth it, even if there were only 100 photos in the book.  (Dude, I take THOUSANDS of photos each year, granted, not all of them are keepers, but narrowing it down to 100 for each year would be tough!!)  Lots to do in 2018!!!  Can't wait to get started on all the good stuff!!