When?

Yesterday Moses had a wrestling meet.  My Dad came.  Dave dropped Ernie off after school so he could cheer Moses on too.  It was in the back gym, not the big one.  There were metal folding chairs set up.  I sat between my Dad and Ernie.  It was loud since the chairs were right on the edge of the mat.  Parents cheering, coaches yelling, kids screaming at their teammates...you get the idea.  Ernie was so excited to be there!  First match - he asked all kinds of questions about why this guy is doing that, why that guy has those shoes, why it's in this gym...you get the idea =)  Second match - he asked if he could color.  I offered a pencil and suggested we look for paper in his backpack.  Nah!  Clearly he was already bored. 

"When am I going to be adopted?!" he said, annoyed and seemingly out of the blue.

I was caught off guard.  I shouldn't have been, for various reasons.  Bert is usually the one who asks that.  A lot.  Often.  I'll never forget how early on we were out in the yard, when Bert took his shoe off and threw it at me b/c I wouldn't adopt him already!  Bert and I have a lot of conversations about the steps to adoption and why it's a long process.  We talk about how I would adopt him RIGHT NOW or even YESTERDAY or maybe even BEFORE YOU WERE BORN!!! if that was possible.   Sometimes Ernie is present for these conversations.  Sometimes he is not.  Usually Ernie is 'meh' (as the kids say) about all this adoption stuff.  He seems indifferent.  I know that is not entirely true but even if it was, that's totally ok, acceptable and understandable.  At any rate...I should have seen it coming, but maybe not during a wrestling match like that. 

As I moved on to answering the question, in the middle of a loud wrestling meet, it seemed like time slowed down.  You know how in a movie, the stuff around the edges goes slower and blurrier while the center scene is in real time and full focus?  Like that.  There's probably a cinematic term for that, but I don't know it.  Anyway - it was one of those moments.  I sat between my Dad and my son, while another son was across the aisle in wrestling gear and I tried to explain life, the complicated foster care adoption system and my heart.  My momma heart that aches and loves and beats for my kids.  Life that is crazy and dumb and awesome and contains moments like this one where God is present and real and we just have to hold on and hurry up and wait.  'The system' that says it's for the kids but it's the kids who get a raw deal b/c, well, just b/c it's a system and not necessarily the solution.  All that.  I tried to explain all that.  To a kid.  A kid.  When I feel like a kid myself.  I wanted to turn to my Dad, my Dad who is going through his own stuff but is, still, and will always be my Dad, and I just wanted to be a kid again.  A kid.  A kid who doesn't have to explain all these things.  A kid who believes she can do anything, be anything, fix everything....thanks to her parents.  But I also love that I get to be the parent.  I love that I get to do what I can to convince my kids of those very same things. 

(Just to keep things in perspective, I have been told that nobody wants to be in my family mere hours after being asked about adoption.  This I understand too.  This is 'normal' for our situation.  This is what makes our world turn.  But those moments make the above described moments even more sweet.  And blog-worthy!)