Adoption party details!!

Dear family and friends,
The invitation you received just didn't have enough room to say all the things I had hoped to say!  You know I like to talk a lot so....yeah...I thought of putting a separate paper in the envelope, but it was actually Dave's idea to put it here.  This way the info shared might actually help others too. 
Not everyone has experience w/adoption and not everyone fully understands the complexities of it.  That's understandable but we hope to help everyone better understand some of the emotions and expectations for our celebration.  Please keep in mind that this is NOT a criticism of anyone or anything that has happened in the past.  If you find, after reading this, that you have said or done something that may have not been ideal - it's forgiven!  We are not easily offended, and if we were, we would have told you.  We are all about teaching people new ways to handle what may be new-to-you situations.
First of all, we are SUPER excited for adoption day!!  We like to call it family forever day too, but not gotcha day (long story for another time...)  One thing we'd like everyone to keep in mind, though, is that for the boys, finalizing adoption actually brings up conflicting feelings.  They're happy, yes, but at the same time there is a sense of grief.  It's like a door is closed on their birth family - the possibility of them getting back together is officially dead.  For some kids, the fantasy of their birth family being complete and together is hard to give up.  It's difficult to understand why they can't live w/someone, no matter the circumstances. Also, at times adoption can trigger feelings and perceptions of not being wanted by a birth parent or the whole birth family.  So while the rest of us only see or feel the happy parts, the kids are processing a bubbling pot of emotions of sorts.  Others have explained this better than me - please click the link and read an article by the Boston Post Adoption Resources.   All this to say, if the boys don't seem as happy as we or you are at the party, don't take it personally.  It's best to show up, join in the games and not make too big a deal out of it if they aren't 100% smiles the whole time.
The next thing we like to bring up is the language of adoption.   I think by now most people know not to say 'real mom' for birth mom.  If you catch yourself saying 'real mom', fix it quick!  You get a re-do!  The language of adoption is easy to learn =)  Many times people say other things and their intentions are well-meaning.  For example..."They (the kids) are so lucky to have you (the adoptive parents)!"  Most kids who have come through the foster care system are anything but lucky.  They have suffered trauma, loss, and a whole lot of other hurtful stuff.  Granted, their circumstances are better upon adoption, but I'd hardly call that lucky.  Also, let's give a little credit to the social workers who have pored over files to find a match for children who suffered such trauma and loss!  It was not luck or random coincidence that they found a family who seemed prepared and ready for the challenge.  (Shout out to Tammi Kohlman, Cathleen Cotter, Megan Pena, Jesse Schuller-Hosking and Michelle Neal!)  Ultimately, we feel that it is God who has orchestrated and planned our family better than any one person or team of people could have ever done.  Anyway, there are lots of comments that come across as 'wrong' to an adoptive family but for the most part we understand it's just b/c the person who said it doesn't know better (YET!).  The best thing you can say to a foster or adoptive family is this: "You have a beautiful family".  =)  For a few other 'what not to say, say this instead' type of lists, you can click HERE, HERE, or HERE.
Alright, what else?  The invite says NO GIFTS and WE MEAN IT.  Most of our family parties are no gift parties - it's honestly easier that way.  We are there to celebrate family, not stress people out about bringing a physical token of their love. There are so many other ways you can support us as a family and show us your love!  Chances are, if you are on the guest list, you are praying for us, supporting us, and loving on us in some way already!  Thank you for that!!  We cannot wait to make memories w/everyone at the party!  We have some cool games to play w/both grown ups and kids in mind! Please don't forget your entry to the art show - make sure you autograph it too.  We're hoping to put the entries together as a guest book of sorts!  There will be a spot for family photos as well and we hope you'll join us in using it!  AHHH!!!  I'm wishing I could fast forward to the party right now - we are so blessed by all of you and can't wait to share the day w/you!  See you then!!