Blood is thicker than...

DAY 3

Today I am thankful for family.  Family that comes together to celebrate and mourn, family that prays for each other across the miles, family that holds you when need it, family that counsels and guides you, family that babysits your kids, family that shaped you/me into who we are.  I don't know what I would do w/o being close to my family, both physically and spiritually.  Today we were able to go 'home' to be w/my mom's side of the family.  There was an auction of some of my uncle's possessions - he was a handy guy and he loved horses, which meant lots of big ticket items.  My family had never really experienced something like this before, although my uncle used to go to a lot of auctions!  I think it's safe to say he may have even purchased some of the tools and such at an auction!  It was an interesting sight...I think for me it was bittersweet, I won't even speak for my cousins.  My uncle is gone and soon, his stuff will be too.  That's happening a lot more as I get older...like sometimes I miss going to Grandpa's house, but other times I think, "Why go, if he isn't even there?"  And then I remember that all this is just stuff.  The best parts I want to remember are the relationship and the impact it had on me.  So yeah.  Today I am thankful for family.  =)  

Ch-ch-ch-changes

DAY 2

I am thankful for a God who watches out for 'my kids' when I can't.  I am thankful for people in my life who are supportive and understand me, 'the system' and the crazy way it works.  I am thankful for the chance to share a parking spot w/someone.  I am thankful for bananas that are brown, even more so b/c I am w/o one today!  A PB and apple sandwich is not quite the same...I am thankful for this house.  Sometimes I cannot believe that we have lived here so long and made these changes.  I am thankful for the show 'The Big Bang Theory' b/c Dave and I laugh so hard...I am also grateful it is in syndication b/c we are catching up on older episodes!  I am thankful for 2 very dependable babysitters so we can go out on date nights.  They are such good kids and no I will not tell you their names!  They're too busy babysitting for us!  =)  I am thankful for my phone, which keeps me from getting lost.  I am thankful for breaks and times of rest, especially since we know there will be many changes soon enough.  

This one goes out to Matt Nygaard...

...wherever he may be these days*.  Once, in some random class I had in West** w/Matt, he told me to spark up.  I'm guessing I was spacing out and tired, and I'm also guessing it was an after lunch class.  I have no idea why, but I laughed out loud at the expression, earning us a stern look from whatever teacher.  From that day on, the saying 'spark up' has been in my bank of sayings that I find funny and randomly use on others.  I'm pretty sure I called Matt 'Sparky' for a while after that...
If you are like me, you barely noticed that it's November.  Until, of course, everyone in your F.B. feed started posting 30 days of thankfulness statuses.  If you are like me and don't like feeling left out of something that you have done in the past, you'd want to join, but you would also know that you are not in the mood for that social site right now.  So you'd think of your long neglected blog...if you were like me...and you'd start your own 30 days of things you are thankful for over there!
TA-DA!  I am me, and that is just what I am doing =)

DAY 1

I am thankful I married a man who is willing to cook after a day at work!  I am thankful for painkillers that help take the edge off of sore muscles after foolishly thinking my puny arms could hold my hanging body weight.  I am thankful for a boy who loves to read, a girl who is learning to trust, a girl who is so smart and kind despite her circumstances, a boy who keeps learning new things and just wants your snuggles and tickles.  I am thankful for the YMCA and their programs, I am thankful for the bilingual school and the teachers, I am thankful for the other families and friends who walk this journey of life w/us!

*I could have swore I saw him at a mall near the children's hospital this past summer...but I was too chicken to go up to the guy.  What would I say to him anyway?  I wasn't/still am not that memorable of a person and I don't do awkward.

**My high school was 1 out of 2 in the nation that had both an East and a West (2 separate schools!) in the same building.  We had classes that were on either side, friends from on either side, we could eat lunch on either side, etc...but our sports were completely separate.  Yep...odd...but we were used to it!

Been there, done that, there is no T-shirt big enough!

Soon I will be turning 

35.

Yeah.....

I have no idea why but it weirds me out a little.  I think I have this feeling of being half done, half over or just plain half-way on my journey called life.  I don't necessarily believe that to be true, but the feelings are there.  Whenever I feel like shaking something like that off, I make lists or plans or just write.  I call it a brain dump!  Sort of like ripping a page out of a notebook so you can see a clean sheet on top again.  So in honor of my own birthday, I am making a list of 35 things I have already accomplished/experienced and then 35 more that I would still like to accomplish/experience...

In the first 35 years…

(in no particular order!)

1) I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior.  (12/7/97 - I get to celebrate 15 years soon!)

2) My best friend asked me to marry him.

3) I said YES.  (Well, actually, I said SÍ b/c he asked in Spanish and I thought it would have been dumb to answer in English!)

4) I went to Disney World 3 times.  

5) I learned to play 4 instruments.

6) Heaven gained many angels from my life.  (Grandparents, a teacher, aunts and uncles, a friend's baby, my FIL, a friend's dad, and a HS friend, just to name a few...)

7) I loved a sweet dog!

8) I made some horrible decisions and hurt some people who meant a lot to me.

9) I asked for forgiveness many times.  

10) I got bit by a dog in the nose the night before the state Forensics tournament.  I was slated to become the #1 storyteller in the state.  You try telling stories w/half your face still numb from getting stitches and drooling a little!

11) I started a blog.  Now there are 2.

12) God blessed me w/a child who grew in my womb.

13) God blessed me w/a child who grew in my heart.

14) Together w/my husband I have fostered 9 children.  (So far!)

15) I have made a house into a home.

16) I traveled to Spain.

17) I traveled to Mexico.

18) My husband and I rented a camper van and spent 3 weeks+ touring the western states.

19) My husband and I took a 3 week+ honeymoon from WI to Maine, stopping to camp in Canada, see Niagara Falls (don't go for the 4th of July fireworks!), visit Cooperstown and be a part of a family reunion (and more but those are some of the highlights).

20) I have seen various other states on trips w/various members of my original and now nuclear family.

21) I have started all kinds of hobbies, few of which stuck.  

22) I have planted many gardens.

23) I hesitantly okayed raising chickens in our back yard.  Now I recommend it!  I love the girls!

24) I camped while not-so-newly pregnant, including sleeping on an air mattress on the ground.  (It was a pretty big deal, ok?  I can brag!)

25) I almost mastered riding a tandem bike.

26) I received a teaching degree in Spanish and English Language Learning.  

27) I taught Spanish and English Language Learners in 2 cities.

28) I donated multiple inches of super thick coarse hair multiple times.

29) Many people have found me suitable to be called friend.

30) I learned the art of improv comedy and participated in a show or 2 w/some fabulous people who made me laugh until I cried and taught me to embrace a sense of spontaneity and wit!

31) I answered my first cell phone call while in a dressing room.  I felt creepy and exposed, like the person who called could see me or something, and even though I was fully dressed I still held my purse up to my body as if to cover something I didn't want seen.  What's even funnier than that (to me anyway) is that just that morning, when we were bemoaning the fact that no one called us, a friend told us we had to turn it on to actually receive calls.  Technologically advanced, I am not!

32) I watched the Challenger explode live on TV while in grade school.  

33) I watched the beginning of the Iraq War/a surprise military attack on Iraq on TV while at our friends' house in Lake Tahoe.  The night was very dark and the missiles showed up green on the screen.  I don't think I had watched that much news in my life (SportsCenter doesn't count!) up until that point.  

34) I watched a whole lot more news when the towers fell on 9/11.  I cried a lot.  I have firefighters, a police officer and many other service people in my family and I don't think I had given much thought to the job they had been doing until that day.  I'm thinking most of you can say something similar...I was teaching on that day and when I first saw the scenes on TV I thought it was from a movie.  I felt more grown up on that day than ever.

35) I participated in a Habitat for Humanity trip to Pearisburg, VA.  So much fun was crammed into that week...oh we worked too!  We worked hard!  I got to use a 'fahr rake', a hatchet and a pick ax.  (That's fire rake for us northerners.)  I used a router (something for writing letters into wood?), I bought Oshkosh bib overalls at the Magic Mart and I slept on a cot in a classroom w/about 30 other college kids.  

In the next 35 years…

1) I hope God sees fit to bless me w/more children, by whatever means possible.

2) I want to rent a houseboat and go down the Mississippi River from top to bottom.

3) You will probably find me living in the country w/a bigger garden and more chickens.  Maybe w/a dog named Duke and some land to roam around on...

4) I hope to achieve a Masters' degree in the Spanish language.  I'm rusty, though, so it may take some doing!

5) I want to re-learn to dance w/my best friend.  We used to swing dance pretty well, but this girl does not find it easy to be led around a dance floor!  In my dreams we dance like the people you see on the show So You Think You Can Dance or those in movies who look like they are having the most fun together showing off for everyone!  

6) I will sew something useful.

7) I will bike 100 miles in a year. 

8) My children's children will call me Grandma, God willing.  (Or Nana, or MeeMaw, or Big Momma or Noni or Gammy or whatever!  As long as they know I'm the one who is generous w/the cookies!)

9) Prayerfully, I will be serving in some capacity at an abortion alternative type place.

10) I will write my personal history.

11) I hope to act in a local theater production.

12) I will crack the 30 minute mark for running a 5K.  (Yes, that's slow.  Set the bar low!)

13) I will enter something in the county fair.  It will most likely be something from the garden, since I'm not very artsy or adept w/the sewing machine...

14) Duke University will prevail over UNC in a game of basketball that both my TarHeel loving husband and I, a crazy kid for coach K and his boys, will attend.

15) A professional picture will be taken of my husband and myself!  (The big box store's closet sized studio w/fake-o backgrounds on pull down shades doesn't count!)

16) I want to start an intergenerational center in my area.  There is one relatively close to me right now but I haven't had the time to get involved yet.  I have had too many dreams about people of 2 or 3 generations creating, eating, and learning together to let this one go ignored.  

17) I will work w/kids again.  Right now I am not doing anything but mothering =)  I have babysat, worked in a daycare, taught kids' church, helped in classrooms, etc...sometimes I miss being that goofy lady who tells stories and can keep the attention of everyone in the room under 5!

18) I've already picked a song, but I will figure out the rest of the stuff for my funeral, burial, and will type stuff.  (Please don't think I'm being morbid - I am thinking practical, ok?)

19) I will go to Poland.

20) I will attempt to learn something about fashion so my kids aren't embarrassed when their mom drops them off at school, attends their HS awards banquets or visits their dorm in college.  (This means I need to start by ditching anything I wore in 6th grade.  Even if I believe it will come back around in fashion again!)

21) This woman will not only start, but finish the YMCA early morning bootcamp class.  

22) I will attend my friend's graduation as she receives her civil engineering degree.

23) I will tell my daughter whatever she wants to know, or whatever info I have to share, about her adoption.  I will support and encourage her to explore and define her identity, praying she will ultimately find it in the Lord and not in any person who has played a role, however small or large, in her life.

24) I will continue to be inspired, mentored, encouraged and loved by my friends.  I have some of the most faithful, generous and amazing friends, women and men alike.  I pray you do too!  Sometimes life gets so busy that I don't take the time to receive all that my friends have to offer, but when I do, my cup overflows!

25) Our family will travel in an RV to visit more than one state.  Hopefully there will be both mountains and a beach included in that trip!

26) I will set my sights on bigger goals - a half/full marathon?  Leading a women's group?  Striving towards a minimalist style of life?  Running a full farm?  Who knows!  

27) I aim to pull off a superior surprise to honor and celebrate my husband and each of my kids.

28) I will keep writing...

29) ...maybe something bigger, with a purpose?

30) I will not fear birthdays.

31) Is it odd if I hope to wear my wedding dress again?  Not to marry someone else, but maybe to renew my vows.  I somehow doubt it will still fit, but I did love that dress!  I've seen pics of people who get their dress cut up so it can be sown into their daughter's wedding dress or even just a dress-up dress.  I'm not ready for that yet!

32) I will take my kids to Disney World.  =)

33) I will make a quilt for each of my kids to put on the first bed they sleep in after moving out on their own.

34) I would love to make a time capsule of sorts for my kids.  Did you ever do one of those?  The newspaper from the day, a few things that represent what is happening in our lives at this time...I love pictures so you know there will be some of those in there!!  I think since technology plays such a huge role in our lives, there should be something about that in there.  I'm not sure if this time capsule would get buried in the yard - what if we move? - or if it should just be something we keep in a special place of the house.  I think it would be cool to have my first born open it in about 30 years!!

35) I will continue to teach my children to love the Lord and follow the example He has laid out in His Word.  Do I want them to learn what I learned, do as I did and be like me?  Sure (well, in most cases that is!  Don't make my mistakes!), but more importantly I would like them to follow Jesus.

So that's my birthday list.  =)  You'll have to wait w/baited breath about 5 years to see if I knock anything off the 2nd list!  

Awwww...(and shock)

Well . . . . . 

I think you already know I compose blog posts in my head a lot.  I have this running dialogue...sometimes I get a chance to dump it out here.  And sometimes I feel like I want to eschew daily tasks (wait - I already do that!) eating just so I can write about something that happened!  (The really good part is at the end - bear w/me if you can...)  Today was one of those days.  It has been about a month since Colleen was a part of the intensive feeding therapy program.  Even before we went, we had a one month check up scheduled.  Last night, I didn't sleep much; I don't know if it was worry over her weigh-in today or just other junk*.  At any rate, I was in go mode right away when I got up.  Dave left earlier than usual and normally I get that sinking feeling about my skills as a mom of 4 - I still haven't gotten the hang of getting them+me fed, dressed, and out the door on time, all by myself!  But I ignored that feeling and we all did good.  I was patting myself on the back - a few of the new 'routine' things I have recently established and accomplished are paying off!  So that was good!  Dropped Curly Sue and Moses off at school...Colleen, Dewey and I had a good drive down to the hospital.  My mom was able to come down and help by being w/Dewey, which seriously was a relief b/c I don't know what I would do otherwise!  THANK YOU MOM!!  The appointment went so well - Colleen's weight was up!  They seemed pleased w/her progress and we know what to focus on for the next 2 months...YAY!  So that was good.  Then, as expected, I quickly had 2 bobbing heads in the rear view mirror on the ride home this afternoon =)  Gotta love a quiet ride...
So it was all good, right?  
You'd think I would have learned not to gloat.
We got back into town w/more than 30 minutes to spare before we needed to pick up the other 2 kids at school, and the rear view mirror contained 4 sleepy but open eyes looking at me...so I made the executive decision to stop at one of my favorite stores for a while.  I scooped up Dewey and Colleen was already protesting.  I tugged her out of the car and lo and behold Grumpy Gus showed up!  At this point, I was thinking alright, whatever, we just need to walk this off.  We got in to the carts and to avoid kicking other shoppers, I put Colleen in the cart, thinking Dewey would enjoy the freedom to be able to walk and explore.  It took about 90 seconds for Dewey to realize that a) he was not going in the cart.  b) he was not going to be able to push the cart.  I'm sure you all have met an opinionated 2yo at some point, right?  How about a tired, opinionated 2yo?  Yeah?  You see what's coming next?  Cue tragic screaming over mom's heinous offense.  Now cue the deep breath, the louder screams.  The determined-to-not-give-this-up-and-let-everyone-even-those-in-the-rest-of-the-strip-mall-I-mean-everyone-know-just-how-wronged-you've-been screams!  And no, stickers are not cool right now.  Nope, neither is this dumb dollar bin toy you thought I'd like to carry around.  What's that?  Do I want to go in the cart?  Um, no, I want to scream and tell everyone how mean you are!!  
I almost couldn't believe it...Colleen was sort of shocked out of her tantrum!  I am doubting she has experienced the full effect of a scream-fest!  Lucky her.  I figured, ok, plan B.  SWITCH!  Want to make an angry 2yo even angrier?  Give him something he wants, but not on his terms.  (Or something like that...)  I tend to pride myself on my resolve, but I was not feeling it.  We needed to get out fast.  That or buy everyone ear plugs!
We left.  
I wish I could say the screaming ended.  
We sat, parked by the side of the road near the school and listened to the radio, thankfully enjoying some peace as I sewed yet another badge on my mommy scouts vest.  
What did I say about gloating too soon?
I didn't get a great report from school.  
Colleen couldn't handle the fact that the other 2 were getting picked up from school, all excited to collect their lunches, backpacks, etc and tell me everything they did...it wasn't about her.  Cue annoying behaviors.  Cue disrespect, disobedience and disregard for relationships already built.  I usually can predict and prepare for those kinds of things, but I failed to do so today.  Never mind that, I pulled a stellar plan out of my pocket and addressed the behavior.  Got worried that it wouldn't turn out.  Had about 3 minutes where I stressed that the other kids were being put through unnecessary junk...and then - ta da!  My persistence paid off!  Congratulating myself for keeping my cool and handling that w/o consulting a book!  (Gloat much?)  We made it home.  I was feeling ready for bed!!  Then it hit me that I had never set out the meat for dinner.  No one wanted to cook.  

So we were off to the nearest china buffet kind of thing.  BLECH, but whatever, there's veggies, right?  We sit down, we pray, everyone is excited to go and get a plate.  Except the one person who is unable to extract himself from his high chair all on his own.  Cue dramatic flopping...much like the lady in the image above!  We didn't leave him, honest, we took turns!  We even offered him a plate of food before we served ourselves!  Oh, those are the moments when I want to laugh or cry...breathe in, breathe out...both Dave and I had noticed a man we consider a friend, a principal we had both worked w/over the years, sitting on the other side of the half wall across the room.  We each noticed him and I know we've had conversations before about the quality of his character and how we've enjoyed working w/and for him.  Not only that, but he was Curly Sue's principal last year too!  Well, we were too busy to go and talk and didn't want to bug him during dinner anyway, so we settled into our meal.  He said Hi to Dave at one point but then when he was done eating he came over to our table.  He is always kind and chats w/each of the kids, and you know they love the attention!  Then he said that he wanted to commend us and that we should be proud of what we do.  Like always, I started to say that the kids are so good that it's easy but he stopped me to say it again.  He said the meal was on him, gave us a smile and told us to enjoy.  I tried to protest!!  But he just said something nice again - I really was kind of not listening!  THAT'S when I really wanted to cry!  The whole day kind seemed to get bogged down w/just doing and not caring what other people thought or whatever...I really don't care but sometimes it's still nice to be noticed, right?  I highly doubt he reads here, but please, please, understand how grateful I am, if you do!!  

Thus putting a sweet finishing touch on my train-wreck of a day...

I don't think for a minute that writing a blog post about how my day ended well (read: gloating again!) does a justice to explain how blessed I am/we are.  I/We couldn't do what we do w/o others.  It is by the grace of God that I have found myself just where I am!  I was moping just last night to Dave that in less than a month I will be turning 35 (ACK!  I said it!  Now you know!!  ERASE THAT FROM YOUR BRAIN!) and I feel like I haven't gotten to/don't get to do the really cool stuff that I want to...boo hoo...wah wah...poor me who has 2 wonderful parents and went to good schools, college, had/has great friends, found a prince to marry, was blessed w/an awesome kid who is a blend of me and the prince, was blessed w/a sweet girl to call our own even though she's genetically not, is given the chance to build bonds and relationships w/many little people, has been on lots of trips and seen various parts of the world, and on and on...I did nothing to deserve any of this.  So I guess I'm just trying to say that I am thankful for my day, and not just the last part of it, but all of it =)  Yes, even the other not so fun parts!!  THE END.

PS that I will write a real update soon.  I think...

Speechless...sort of...

Tomorrow I will be dropping 3 of my 4 current kids off at the same school.  You won't believe me but I already have almost all of their lunches packed.  One (Moses) will be going to 1st grade.  Two (Curly Sue and Colleen) will be going to kindergarten.  You WILL believe me when I tell you that I will cry.  One b/c my babies are growing, two b/c I am worried about them and three b/c I am just so darn exhausted!!  We ended this crazy summer w/a bang (demo derby!) and like always I have a million things I wanted to do differently this year, none of which I have started in any way.  But mostly I am feeling bittersweet =)  It's hard to believe I am here, in this season...more on this another day...

Day 11 - packing

Today was a full day of 3 family meals!  Breakfast was a breeze - everyone can do cereal and milk, right?  Colleen spooned her own bites of pureed pears a bunch of times and then at lunch she had no trouble managing her own tube of go-gurt!  That makes eating my own meal a lot easier.  At dinner, Dave took a turn in the 'hot seat'.  It went pretty well, all things considered...we tried ordering a veggie burger for her and I think the ketchup was the only thing that saved it!  It was supposed to come up w/cheese on it but I guess they forgot.  I am feeling pretty confident that we can do this at home.  Much more confident than I was 2 weeks ago, or even 1 week ago, obviously.  The part that will be missing of course is that so far all of Colleen's meals have been prepared.  And not by me!  There will be no magic cafeteria fairies who deliver!  We have been told of a recipe book that will be given to us upon discharge tomorrow.  I'm still researching a new powerful blender...I have expensive tastes in blenders! WHO KNEW??  Ours works well - the smoothies we make are proof of that!  But if I am going to be using it that much more and for a lot more variety of foods, I think it might be time to look at others.  I sort of started that a while ago when I wanted to get her off the 'toddler formula' drink.  I researched home blended foods for the G tube and 'everyone' advised readers to invest in an industrial blender.  We'll see...there are a lot of blenders between our Oster and the top of the line!  I know it would be a worthy investment, no matter what we get.  And for now I know I can do a lot of soups and baby food type stuff to start, not to mention yogurts and those squeezable foods for kids that are really popular right now.  Anyway - I didn't mean to write about blenders tonight!  I really wanted to talk about GOING HOME TOMORROW!!  Seriously, I hadn't given much thought to life w/o tube feedings and now that it's here...would you believe that I'm speechless?  Yeah, I didn't think so!  Being here and seeing all these other kids who have been/will be in the hospital much longer, really puts things into perspective.  These 2 weeks were so hard, but we get to go home!  The emotional aspects we were dealing w/seemed like they would never end, but now there is some hope in my heart for not just the future, but the near future.  Please pray for the families here who might feel like they don't have much hope for their kids outside of this hospital.  There are so many things I feel like I need prayer for when we go home - that I can keep my cool when it seems like we hit another wall, that I can keep up w/preparing the meals, that Colleen will transition to eating at school well, just that we can keep this going! - but that is nothing compared to the prayers of these families, I am sure of it...alright, I didn't mean to turn this into a sad post either...can you tell I am a bit emotional tonight?  I am so excited to get out of here!  I am scared too though.  I am feeling confident and a bit worried at the same time - is that possible?  I feel READY though.  I sort of wish Colleen could explain her feelings.  I know she wants to go home for the 'normal' part of it all.  Me too.  =)