Thursday, November 10, 2011

I think I can, I think I can...

Can I be thankful when everyone in my house is sick, w/a vast array of symptoms and illnesses??


November 10
I am thankful for these 4 beautiful children that God has brought to me through different methods.  I can't believe I get to parent them, hold them, serve them and clean them when they are sick.  Friends, not everyone gets to be a momma.  I hate days like this but then I remember the days when I was dying to do anything for any child and I had none.  Yes I said hate.  Yes I said dying.  Yes I can be over dramatic but I don't think I am here.  I am an incredibly social person who hates to fail and lately I have barely been able to converse w/anyone and I look all around and see failure - dirty stove, dirty dishes, crumbs on the floor, things in the wrong place, unfinished projects, papers littering the counters and chairs (!), towels on the floor, used tissues wadded up near the trash but not in, etc.  So I hate these days.  And I was dying on the inside (a lot!) back in the kid-less days.  So many people talked about my job as a teacher, it was such a great job, life as newlyweds must be great, yadda yadda great great great.  Um, no.  The best job is a mom and I know I snapped back towards at least one person when they said I had such a great job.  I am working on forgiving myself for that.  But the 'me' I knew was, now I'm off track.  The point is, I am so grateful to be here.  Even though here may not be where I feel like being, here is so fulfilling.  I kept telling everyone that all I wanted to be is a mom.  And I am.  Thankful.

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